Kenyans are always looking for love. Everyone wants to experience true love at one point of their lives.

To do that you first have to understand what love is and it is not a feeling, it is all about actions and putting in intentional work to show love.

First of all, before you can love someone else, you should redirect that action and work inwards toward yourself.

That way you will know what you like and how you love to be loved.

It is this knowledge that will help you guide your significant other in knowing how to love you.

Forget the soap operas and movies where the boyfriend or girlfriend automatically knows how to love the other person. Like they are intrinsically attuned to them to a point where they can read their minds and know how to love them.

Lies, uwongo mtupu....and as the late president Mwai Kibaki would say, upumbavuu tuu.

Yo! listen, that is some scripted ishhh, a fantasy that does not happen in real life.

If you want to love someone love yourself, then study your partner to understand what makes them happy and give them that as an act of love. It is a sum total of the work you are willing to put in to understand their love language.

So, yeah, love is not blind, you have to work at it and see if any progress is being made.

That said, here are some activities you can engage in on your journey to unearthing true love, either towards yourself or your partner.

Actions to take on your journey to getting and receiving true love

1. Find even the smallest ways to make contact with whomever you like, be it yourself or your bae and show affection and attraction.
2. Make time to really talk and listen to your partner or yourself.
3. It sounds simple, but we often forget to just look at our partners or even ourselves.
4. Make time and don’t stop doing the activities you loved to do together. And if you are rediscovering yourself, do the things that used to really make you happy.
5. Keep suggesting new activities and be open to the ones your partner suggests.
6.  Strive for an equal exchange of ideas. Take responsibility for your own actions and don’t try to control your partner.
7. Remember you will always be two separate people and not overstep boundaries which diminishes attraction. Just because you’re a couple doesn’t mean you have to do everything together. Don’t give up friendships and activities you enjoy on your own and don’t ask your partner to either
8. We all have an inner enemy that criticizes ourselves and our partners and undermines our closest relationships. Beware of that voice.
9. Don’t expect your partner to read your mind. Saying what you want and feel directly helps you avoid passive-aggressive or nasty ways of relating. It also encourages your partner to do the same.
10. Love is an action each of us must choose for ourselves. When we start measuring what we do for each other, we create expectations and breed resentment instead of staying in touch with how good it feels to be loving toward someone else.
11. Support the things that light your partner up. Never stop supporting and encouraging your partner to be the most alive and to do the things that make your partner feel the most like him/herself… even when those things aren’t what matter most to you.
12. Take actions your partner would perceive as loving. Here is where you have to keep observing and seeing what make them happy and repeat those actions.

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