As Kenyans, every December a weird phrase comes up. “nipee christmas" or "niachie christmas". You can't miss it unless you live alone in a 50 acre farm with no animals. Then again, you'd probably catch it on TV or Radio.

Fam, there are several instances that you will hear this

  1. “Babe si unipe Christmas?” Yes, if you are the richer one in the relationship you are going to hear this phrase.
  2. “Niaje boss… si unipee ka Christmas?” Parking in Kenya is a nightmare. Every watchman feels entitled to your money for doing their job. From now on I'll buy a skateboard so that I avoid watchman tax.
  3. “Daddy…. Si utununulie Christmas?” If you have kids… sorry. As a digression, why do the black santas in our malls have long white beards. Njuguna Claus, tafadhali! Hizo ndevu sio zako...
  4. “Umetuletea Christmas?” Going upcountry is always a struggle. People tend to assume that you are a prosperous person who has money to blow. You become like a mini politician because everybody wants you to deal with their problems.
  5. “Si uniwachie change ya Christmas?” Bartenders and shopkeepers are guilty of this. It's like I have earned extra money during the festive season. Stop this!!
  6. “Uko na Christmas kidogo?” ...popular with beggars
  7. “There is a special Christmas offering?” church
  8. “Si ufanye tuu kazi over Christmas?” ...your boss

December is a hectic period where you can end up spending more than you budgeted for. As a result, I'm staying home and not interacting with my fellow Kenyans who will use Christmas as an excuse to extort me of my hard earned cash.

Otherwise, hao ndio wanafaa wanipatie Christmas.