• People pleasing refers to the extremes people go to make other people happy, often at one's own expense.
• People pleasing can be a result of traumatic childhood experiences.
People pleasing straightforwardly means going to extremes to make other people happy, often at one's own expense.
People-pleasers may have trouble advocating for themselves, which can lead to a harmful pattern of self-sacrifice or self-neglect.
Ever wondered what people-pleasing sounds like, below is a glimpse;
• You want people to like you and feel that doing things for them will earn their approval
• Struggling with feelings of low self-esteem
• Taking the blame even when something isn't your fault
• Never having free time because you are always doing things for people
• Pretending to agree with people even if you hold a different viewpoint
• Fearing that turning people down will make them think you are selfish or mean.
• Making excuses for people's mistakes.
Doesn't sound pretty, right? People's pleasing traits can be a result of a childhood traumatic experience.
Sad truth is that people pleasing builds resentment in the long run. The good news is, that there are some possible solutions to this plague.
1. Remember that relationships are a two-way avenue: give and take
A strong and healthy relationship involves a certain degree of reciprocity.
If one person is always giving and the other is always taking, it often means that one person is forgoing things that they need to ensure that the other person has what they want.
There is no way traffic kind of relationship.
2. Avoid making excuses
Excuses are made when one has the fear to say no, or turn down an offer or proposal.
Making excuses will cause one to have an overwhelming catalog of things to be done.
It's important to say no and avoid blaming other obligations or making excuses for your inability to participate.
3. Establish Boundaries
Clear boundaries as a matter of fact.
If it seems like someone is asking for too much, let them know that it's over the bounds of what you are willing to do and that you won't be able to help.
Having established boundaries ensures that you have control of not only what you are willing to do, but also when you are willing to do it.
4. Affirm Yourself
Speaking positively to yourself to counter negative thoughts
People pleasing will sometimes masquerade as low self-esteem, affirmation is one way to win the battle.
It can be as simple as 'I am enough, 'It's okay for me to say no'
5. Know what you are responsible for
People pleasing will tend to make it appear as though you are responsible for everyone's happiness and if they are not, you are doing something wrong.
It's okay to sit with the discomfort of I am definitely not responsible for every occurrence.