“Kila mtu ni sonko December na msoto in January.” – Korean proverb.
The other week before new year, I saw my “nduthi” guy at the supermarket doing some shopping that made me envious. I kept on saying to myself “Yaani huyu mjamaa ako na pesa hivi na mimi nabuy kamkate na mayai tuu?”
It made me realize that people really do have money to spend in December. What are some of the statements said in December versus the ones said in January?
- “Kuja tuu. Kuna pombe na chakula” vs “Si tuchangie kamzinga na nyama?”
In December, you really don’t have to worry much about your alcohol and food expenses on a night out. There is always that friend who volunteers to clear the bill, in January, issa royal rumble
- “Babe uko wapi?” vs “Niko busy kidogo… nitakupigia”
Yes, it’s a fact that most men get their confidence from having money. Why? We don’t know. Ask their grandfathers who went to marry multiple wives as soon as they got healthy. It’s men’s fault that women will want them for their money. I mean, they made the pool shallow by trading interesting personalities for transaction relationships. Anyway, ladies… your phones were buzzing last month. Now you are getting ignored in January.
- “Waiter baki na change” vs “Kwani unajaribu kuniibia pesa yangu? Pesa nimefanyia kazi?”
In December when you were having infinite shots and popping bottles you became what is referred to as ‘Rich by intoxication’. This is simply the part of drunk where all your dreams have come true and you have suddenly acquired Bill Gates status. “Waiter… hio change ni yako. Ati 500? Nunua kuku kienyeji upelekee bibi na watoto” but in January “Wewe kwani ni mwizi? Ulifanya internship IEBC?”
- “Tupande KQ” vs “Kwani huwezi book Jambojet?”
For those who frequently travel to the coast, there is a significant difference between Jambojet and Kenya Airways in terms of price and comfort. December is Kenya Airways time but in Njaanuary “Si ubook Jambojet mapema ndio tupate discount?”
- “Leta sparkling water” vs “Leta tuu maji ya tap”
If you frequent your local restaurant or Nyama choma joint, there is usually the option of buying water or drinking the tap water. Sparkling water is the water that attended private school and had loving parents who supported their career choice
- “Weka full tank” vs “Weka tuu mia mbili… haraka haraka, nimechelewa”
In December, you fuel your vehicle as if you are anticipating a road trip. In fact, you get allergic to half tank with cocky statements like “Aiyaya… gauge imefika half? Wacha niongeze. Sitaki gari ikohoe”
- “Sweetie…. Take whatever you want” vs “Eish… I only have a budget of 2K”
I suspect that in January, there are many love conflicts mainly because of money issues.
- “Twende Villa Rosa” vs “Lets just pass by Mama Njeri’s Kibanda”
In December, you have a taste for the finer things in life. You aren’t settling for less. “Hizo food zingine zinaharibu tumbo” but in January…. “Mama Njeri… kuna omena? Weka ya mbao”
- “#Holiday #Vacation #Rest #Prosperity” vs “#WorkingHard #Grind”
The two hashtags tell a whole different story. If you are a social media narcissist, we know what you are going through by what you post. Hio hashtag ya Njaanuary inamaanisha umesota tuu.
- Party pictures vs Religious/Family pics
When people are broke, they resort to religion or family. “Family is everything”. Yes, Family is everything because only your mother can give you that emergency loan when you are broke.