First things first: men only!
We live in interesting times where being a man is difficult. In fact, it’s a calling much more than a lifestyle.
You’ll agree that a lot of boys out there have indeed spoilt our ladies. The result is that women are beginning to look at us in a different way and changing what they expect of men.
These days, there are too many guys acting feminine (soft, shabby, emotional, indecisive dudes doing manicure, pedicure and wearing make up). Too many men accepting whatever comes their way! Too many men being wussies (in case you ain’t got your dictionary, a wuss is a feeble person, a weakling, a wimp)
In fact, you realize that it’s making some women act like men ...just to fill the gap. Guys, wake up!!!! Women are trying to fill the gap that we’re quickly creating.
There’s a reason why you’ve got a flat chest and a set of tools at your glorious junction. Women are longing for what nature wants to give them. It’s by design. It’s by instinct.
You’ve seen what they call “tom boys”, right ...ok ask yourself one question, do they really really really feel natural?
Oh, and for the record, when you call a girl a “tom boy”, you’re not passing any judgement on her.(Google that!)
Again, this is for men only. Only men will be able to handle this. If you’re not feeling man enough, this is a start. Your help begins now.
There was an absolutely captivating article on “The African Bachelor” blog by Kwadjo Panyin. It talked about the unbreakable bro code.
There are the bro codes that can never be broken. We've put them in a more digestible form so that Kenyans can understand better and the principles remain the same.
They’ll help you develop or grow a bigger set of “balls”, so to speak.
Watch out for your bro
Do you know whether your bro has a side-chick or girlfriend and his wife is suspicious? Be the sentinel - guard your bro. This means that if anything, you do not know any of his female friends, what he was up to last night or his current location. You are not to be close to his wife or his girlfriend at all costs. If she asks for a meet up; a coffee date or something of that sort, be cold and stay away from her.
His sister is out of bounds
No matter how fine his sister is, no matter how sweet she seems, never ever hit on her. Do not obey your thirst. Do not try make her feel special in any way. This is a no-no. If you stare at her or think of how you can have sex with her, that’s disallowed.
Take care of him but don’t be a babysitter
Picture this: you two are out having drinks. Your married bro spots a hot lass at the counter. He’s carried away ...he clearly wants to approach her and engage and probably seal the deal. You are only allowed to intervene once. Remind him of his responsibilities. Warn him once and let him be. Whatever he chooses to do afterwards isn’t your responsibility.
Being his wingman is not optional
When your bro needs a wingman, you are expected to avail yourself immediately and report for duty when needed. This is not negotiable. You must support him till he scores on the cards. When he manages to do it, with your help of course, you can proudly say that you have been a responsible wingman.
Being a wingman also means chipping in when your bro is broke and wants to have fun with his prospect. You must come to the rescue though on your terms.
One of the most effective ways is by using the app if you haven’t heard of it yet. A download is recommended if you have an Android phone and you accumulate points that give you amazing discounts at a lot of Nairobi’s favorite stores. You get points by simply recharging your airtime through the app.
If your bro is sent nudes by a lady, make sure that it is a top secret. Make sure that no one ever gets to see this image. This is one of the most delicate responsibilities that you have as a responsible bro. Enough said.
Balls before dolls
Never, and once again, never ditch your friends for a girl. If you made plans to be with the boys and you meet a lass who seems nice, arrange to see her the next day or next week. Never split the formation to separate yourself from the herd.
Very few exceptions, though. If it’s a guarantee that you’ll score on the same day or within a few hours, your bros have to give you a pass. Proof of execution may be required if anyone suspects a lie.
Help your bro dress up
Say your bro is badly dressed and it’s definitely the type that is disgraceful. You must tell him. If you meet him in the club dressed like a terrible clown wearing loud and uncoordinated colors, your duty is to drag him out of the club and away from the eyes of the public. No bro should let another bro appear like a peacock in public.
Be your bro’s best man
Consider it an honor if and when your bro picks you to be his best man at his wedding. In addition, you now will have the privilege of organizing the best bachelor party ever. You also must provide your bro with anything he needs for his pleasure without question.
Bottom line, understand that your bro is just about to turn himself in for a life sentence ...so make the final moments of freedom the best ever. What happens at the party stays at the party. All the secrets of your bro go with you to the grave.
Oh, and thou shalt not invite your bro’s future wife’s brother, male cousins, nephews or any close relatives to the bachelor party. Don’t let him down.
If you’re conservative, perhaps you could consider treating him to a normal massage then a Priadara massage (read that again). You can get this on discount at for 3,000/= bob instead of 5,000/= bob.
Greeting your bro shouldn’t be haphazard and ratchet. It must be appropriate all the time. If you’ve gotta hug your bro, please make sure that your chests don’t touch. Hugs never precede handshakes. Hugs must be accompanied by a pat on the back. Hugs mustn’t last for more than 1 second (it is not a soccer match!)
If you’ve got a special handshake or greeting, the only time it can change is when you both agree. Otherwise you’re sticking to it.
The most important code and it can never, ever be broken by any man on this earth. Never go after or date your bro’s exes.
Whether it’s Avril Nyambura, Hudda Monroe or Betty Kyalo ...it doesn’t matter, even if she says “it’s okay”. Even if she shows up at your house at midnight sporting a bikini. Never touch a bro’s ex.
If your bro breaks up with his girl, you’ve gotta act like you broke up with her too. In addition, don’t ever go after a lass that your bro is already pursuing. If y’all meet a hot chick, the guy who makes the first move gets to keep pursuing.
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