So #TheRaverend turned a year older yesterday, but I still feel younger and wiser. I would like to give thanks to the Almighty for allowing me to see yet another chapter of my life.
I’m lucky to have witnessed a Black President of the United States, who was followed by a clown.
I’m also lucky to have witnessed a week that lasted two days and a weekend that lasted five days during the elections.
I witnessed two presidents and a "professional witnesser" and last weekend, witnessed the royal wedding with a twist of blackish!
Talking of the Royal 'Blackish' Wedding, I now believe it’s time for #TheRaverend to get himself a wifey. I need to share my happiness with my own #Raverendress. It is time I quit chipoing random flings.
I need something constant. ASAP. After checking out the Royal Blackish wedding, I have now a blue prong of what #TheRaverends Royal Wedding will look like. I will invite all my exes just like Prince Harry...My Exes need to be present so that they can get confirmation that the Sec Gen of TeamMafisi has bowed out!!!!
As for my celebrity friends, I will only invite a handful of A-list celebrities: No B or Z-list celebrities.
"Sitaki wale wasee wamaselfie nawakutafuta followers/likes kwa wedding yangu!"
Just like the royal wedding, only the creme de la creme of celebrities will be present, not every Tom, Dick and Harry.
As for the budget, I will pay for everything at the ceremony — sitaki usaidizi — that’s how niggaz start "nyemelearing my wife" because they feel entitled!
Sitaki pre-wedding. I will break my bank and chuck out all my savings The only person who is allowed to give me cash or support me is my mother.
I’m allergic to cake, so nothing expensive, like the royal wedding all the cash will go to drinks yaani, “keroro”.
My guest will drink in the house, all day, all night. #TheRaverends Royal Wedding will be a repeat of my 48 Parties in 48 Hours. #TeamNoSleep. It will start on Friday and end on Monday, when guys report back to work.
As for my bride, she must be dark skin - pure melanin. I’m done chasing light skins, and my relationship with “Rangi ya Thao” will only be with the notes in my wallet.
My bride also has to be a divorcee or a single mom, because I will be becoming with my own baggage — including two baby mamas. I, therefore, don’t need a “demu”, who lacks experience in parenting.
#TheRaverends bride to be also can’t and will not be plastic. She must be natural and no too much makeup on the wedding day. I want to see what I’m settling for and not a dolled up Barbie.
I want to know to whom I'll say, "Yes I do", to and appreciate her! I’m done waking up to strangers, who I pick in the clubs. The tonnes of makeup and the disco lights have played enough tricks on me hence why I want my bride to wear minimal make up.
No expensive wedding gown for my bride, she needs something simple that will allow her to be ready to boogie for #48Hours.
As for the groom's outfit, I’m not fussy. I might even wear my high school uniform or denim because my dream wedding is a boogie.
So with all that said and done, I’m taking applications from all candidates who want to share in #theRaverends happiness.
ION, tonight I’m hosting South Africa hip-hop star Cassper Nyovest's concert at the Ngong Racecourse for the TGR festival.
#TeamShaffie, you're all welcome. Let’s turn up as #TheRaverend turns a new chapter!!!!