I will never understand why Kenyan men reject polygamy, condemning it to forever be a relic of the past yet they will take on copious amounts of mistresses and clandestine lovers, popularly referred to as “clandes“.

Even more gobsmacking is the fact that a woman will more readily forgive a man for straying with a clande or of having a mistress than they would a man who wants to take on a legitimate 2nd wife.
Why this is I will never understand. However, I do know that I am not for it.

But away from that side rant and back to what brought you here. I spoke to a wide range of women about some of the spite they have had to endure in the name of being clandes. The women I spoke to range in age from 21 to 27 and their “sponsors” ranged in age from 30 to 45 and were infact all married or in serious relationships spanning many years.

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What they had to say was nothing less than staggering! Sample some of the madharau these women have had to endure below:

#1. Having to hide under the bed

I have been reliably informed by one of my female colleagues about her “friend” who had gone to her sponsors house somewhere in Spring Valley only for the wife to come home earlier than expected from a business trip.
The poor girl had to hide beneath the couple’s matrimonial bed (people are so unimaginative) and the man proceeded to have make love to his wife. The poor girl left distraught and completely heartbroken the following morning.

crying lol

#2. Getting locked in the boot of a car

I have a very close friend who was treated to a date at an exclusive members only club but as they arrived, the man found that his wife was at her car looking to leave and she had already seen his car. He forced my friend to get into the boot of his car and he somehow covered it with the seats so she wouldn’t be visible.

You can imagine her rage at being subjected to the humiliation of having to climb out half an hour later because the man’s wife insisted to talking to him at his car.

getting into the car like a boss lol

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#3. Getting kicked out of the house at 2am in nothing but a night dress

Ha! I can only imagine this one! The lass in question refused to put out because she and her sponsor had been arguing. He put her in her place -which incidentally was outside his pad! She was left stranded and had to seek shelter with the watchmen. And just incase you think this would be enough to help her see the light, it wasn’t. She is now a mistress for 3 years running.

Chris-Rock-HUH-WTF lol

#4. Being told to remove an article of clothing in public because the man bought it for you

“Give me back my sweater top!”

Pardon my Kenyanese but, as in I know a ka-girl who was told to remove the top her sponsor had bought her simply because he had caught her with another man. Whether or not they were on a date is unclear but he forcefully took back his expensive sweater top leaving the poor girl exposed and shivering.

the shivers lol

#5. Getting paid afterwards as if you are a callgirl

1000ksh

Apparently one of my colleagues was given 1000 shillings when it was time to leave and she felt humiliated. Some of the thoughts going through her mind were whether should kill the man or take the man and whether she really did indeed look that cheap!

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#6. Getting beaten up for talking to “little boys”

I know most of these married men are very possessive. And that is why it came as no surprise when one of my colleagues informed me that she once got a hot slap because her sponsor didn’t appreciate her talking to young boys her age. In his words,

“I am not planting mapera on the road for your silly boys to come and eat!”

dave-chappelle-slap-lol

#7. Being left high and dry with a bill

Hahahahahahaha! In the immortal words of Aden Duale,

“Hii Pesa Sio Ya Mamako BWANA!”

pimp slap lol

Apparently many a lass has been left high and dry having to foot their own bills when the man has to cancel their plans so he can attend to his number 1 priority; his family.
So women are left humiliated because while they are accustomed to the good life, they cannot afford it on their own!

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