In a hilarious statement which may have been taken out of context, Governor Waititu suggested that instead of demolishing the buildings situated along riparian land, the rivers should be moved instead.
Today, we are going to explore ways in which we can use this type of reasoning to get out of difficult situations.
1. When you are in Government and have been accused of embezzling public funds “They should make sure that the taxpayers money is put in another bank account… they should have known better than to give me access to the money. I can’t help it”
2. When you are caught cheating on your significant other with their attractive friend. “Mimi sikujua ati rafiki yake ni riparian. If they didn’t want me to be involved with them, they wouldn’t have kept them around. Nilimbomoa tuu”
3. When you are caught by a Kenyan cop for a traffic offence. “Mr Officer, I didn’t know that the pavement wasn’t the road. Hii bara bara iongezwe na isongwe ndio nisi overlap. I am not the problem!”
4. When you are vying for a re-election in politics and are about to lose. “I am not going to be removed. Remove the constituency instead!”
5. When addressing the Mau forest environmental concerns “Instead of relocating the people from the Mau, let us move the Mau to Turkana or Mandera!”
6. When you build an apartment block along the road reserves “Lets not demolish these houses. Let’s move the road!”
To be honest, the statement from Waititu was probably taken out of context but we just couldn’t skip this opportunity to make a laugh out of it.
Also, we are pretty sure that there is a Kenyan somewhere that is planning to bid for the tender to divert rivers from land built on riparian structures.
Look out for the next Kenyan millionaire with a shiny suit giving inspirational talk and catchy Instagram caption saying “We all have the same 24 hours”