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Finally! The week is drawing to an end and better yet, end month is in Thika making its way into town. Because we care, we have compiled a list of things you should not do this weekend. Tongue in cheek, of course.

1. Do NOT Dandia Anything.

Apart From “Dandia’ing” A Helicopter, Here Are 5 Crazy Things Kenyans Have Done (Video)

You might have heard the infamous song and thought it possible to dandia any moving (or stationary) thing. Dispatch with such thoughts. If a little voice tells you to dandia anything, tell it no. Not a helicopter, not a plane, not a wheelbarrow. Don’t dandia. Just don’t.

2. Do NOT Get Into A Cab Alone.

Former Kenyan Big Brother Contestant Allegedly Nearly Raped By A Taxi Driver!

Apparently taxi drivers do not wish to keep their hands on the steering wheel. They want to get to know their passengers, in the Jamie Foxx-Plies Way. So ladies, it might be best to rally your other friends so you can take a cab together. There is safety in numbers.

3. Do NOT Take Ugandan Sugar

It’s still not clear if we should take the sugar from Uganda or not. This argument, like most political arguments in Kenya, will draw on for forever. So in a spirit of patriotism, keep the Uganda sugar away kidogo. When the debate dies down, you can do as you please.

4. Do NOT Have Sex With Someone You Do Not Love.

As Dng has revealed, having sex with someone you do not love can be a mistake. Especially when that union leads to the birth of a baby. You will love the child, but you could do without the complications that arise. Condoms aren’t 100% guarantee, you know.

5. Do NOT Cheat Your Woman.

Irate Woman Sets Her Unfaithful Boyfriend’s “Tool” On Fire! (VIDEO)

It is true, hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. Forget chopping off his cheating member, women are now setting fire on those things! Bringing hell on earth it seems. Seeing how viral that video has gone, please gents be safe, do NOT cheat. You know somehow, we always find out.

6. Marry An Older Woman.

We are an idle lot. There is nothing better we’d rather do than sit and snoop in your business. When you marry a woman more than ten years older than you, you’d think it’s none of our business, right? Far from it, it is our business. Why would you marry someone that old? You’re marrying them for money, right? Well, that’s how people think. If you do not wish to be taken apart bit by bit in the public eye, do not marry an older woman. Find a younger woman and be happy.

7. Do NOT Engage In Stupid Fights.

In the words of Kenny Rodgers,” You Don’t Have To Fight To Be A Man”. Especially if you are really skinny or can’t throw a punch to save your life. Just don’t.

Top 5 Stupidest Fights in Nairobi CBD (Videos)