Cecilia Wairimu aka Amani is looking back at her decision to switch to gospel music and eventually walking away from the music scene.
Amani opened up to Lynn Ngugi about dropping secular music at the age of 32, in what she considered was the peak of her career.
The 43-year-old said that she did not join gospel over what rumourmongers said was money. She was feeling restless and nothing could have stopped the tide.
"My biggest dilemma for me was that music was my bread and butter. For me I knew the music I changed I would not hit the stage again and no more stage, how am I gonna pay rent, what am I going to eat?"
She then kept postponing the decision to go gospel but grew unhappy. Amani also rejected an offer of a white-collar job,
"I was frustrated about music. I had the opportunity to work but I chose music over it."
Another reason was her mother's plea for her to take gospel seriously.
"I always knew that there was a calling on my life coz of my mum. My mum always told me you are supposed to be doing gospel."
She also lost her passion for secular songs.
"Initially when I used to be booked for concerts, I used to be excited, like I couldn't sleep for a few days. It became just work because I wanted to eat."
Adding,
"The fear of rent and food can cripple you."
The final straw was a show in Nakuru,
"There was the heavy smell of alcohol and cigarettes and when I was backstage Initially it didn't bother me, but that particular day I was repulsed," she said about being uncomfortable and wanting to leave.
Yet there remained lingering thoughts about paying bills, her image, and about dumping a career she had built for the last ten years.
"You are literally saying this is what I have built for 12 years and bye. I've gone somewhere else."
Starting from scratch made her fearful. "It wasn't easy," she said about her struggling thoughts.
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