It is rare to hear of a woman that is in an open relationship with two men. Well, a mother-of-two has told how being in a relationship with her exes has solved the ‘tug of war’ she felt on her heart.
Ali Damian Grundy, 30, before the marriage broke down, and she quickly moved on with Matty 26.
But the mother of two felt a constant tug battle over her feelings for the two men, and broke up with Matty too.
After joking about having a threesome, the three shared a night of passion and decided to be together as a throuple, with Ali saying they share a ‘rare, unconditional love’ between them.
Ali was working as a tattoo artist when she fell in love with Damian, who works as a refrigeration technician.
She revealed: ‘We had been acquaintances for a few years during high school as we had the same friend circles, but the magic happened one night while we were each out on the town.
‘We shared our first kiss, Damian slept over that night and never left; it was love at first sight and he told me he loved me after five days.’
Already a mother to a little girl, Morgan, now 10, from a previous relationship, Ali felt that Damian was also a good father-figure for her.
After two years Damian proposed and in 2013, the couple got married in front of thirty of their closest friends and family.
They tried for a baby but Ali miscarried twice before she gave birth to their son, Tziyon-Moon, 4, in October 2014.
But Ali said that over the next two years, she felt intense pressure over being a young mother; striving to know who she was as a person and as an independent woman.
This affected their relationship and her insecurities meant that their relationship began to fall apart.
She revealed: ‘Closer towards the end of 2016 our relationship started to suffer, for the most part because I was unhappy with myself, still trying to find my path due to the after-effects of having my first child so young. I was a mum at 19.
Shortly after they split up, Ali met another man, entrepreneur, Matty Ruchton, 26, who she hit it off with and they fell in love quickly.
She said: ‘The way he made me feel and act was different to what Damian gave me. We also fell in love extremely quickly, he was exactly what I needed in my life.
‘He also took on my kids as his own and loved them instantly. Obviously at first Damian wasn’t happy, and was hurt that I had moved on so quickly.’
She described Matty as ‘a sparkling knight in shining armour’, and encouraged the two men to become friends.
Over time however, she felt she would compare her two relationships with each other and felt like her heart was split between the two, which negatively affected her relationship with Matty.
She couldn’t help but feel the relationships alone were not enough for her, and she felt in the middle of the teo men: ‘A big problem with how I was feeling; I was always comparing my relationship with Matty to my previous relationship with Damian.
‘Obviously having been with someone for so long you get used to life that way and obviously life was different with Matty, still equally beautiful but different.
‘At the same time, I knew there was a part of me that wasn’t there with Damian. My heart was in a constant tug of war between these two men I so clearly loved.’
Ali’s relationship with Matty ended after two years and she went travelling in Europe for several months, leaving both the men heartbroken.
In that time, Matty and Damian had become extremely close, while bonding experiences and shared love of Ali, as well as having a lot in common.
‘They had even apparently made a joke about the three of us being together. They became the truest, best friends, so similar and so different, equally such beautiful souls.’
‘When I came back three months later the three of us decided to have an evening of catching up. Never in my wildest dreams did I think this night would change all our lives,’ she said.
The trio reminisced about the old days, then joked about having a threesome.
Ali revealed: ‘We had some drinks, spoke about and shared our stories and experiences over the past few months, we each gained a lot of perspective, understanding, appreciation and healing that night.
‘The day went on and we all started joking about a threesome – joking, joking, joking – until no one knew if we were joking anymore and then it happened, the most profound sharing of all our lives.
‘It was so completely natural, like we had always just been that way. A complete sharing of the most rare and beautiful unconditional love.’
Despite Ali thinking it would be a one time thing, Matty and Damian both brought it up again and they all decided to try being in a polyamorous triad.
‘When it ended, I thought it would always just be one magical night, but then the guys brought to the table that we could try this out, see if it works.
‘It took some convincing, but I agreed to give it a try on condition that it doesn’t hurt anyone.
‘The more time we spent together, the better and better things became. I mean for the most part we all hang out as best friends, but the intimacy we all share together as well as myself with Matty and Damian individually is so incredibly special.’
They have been together ever since, and they have felt stronger together than separately and her two children have become adapted to their new family.
‘We are in a closed polyamorous relationship between the three of us. Which means that there are more than two people in our relationship, but it is not ‘open’ to sharing intimately or emotionally with other people outside of our triad.
‘We all just balance each other out really well. We all add such different things to each other’s lives, so what I get from Damian I may not get from Matty and vice versa.
‘The understanding and healing we have all gained through the experiences we have had on our journey together have set the most solid foundation to start a relationship on. There is literally nothing we can’t get through together.
‘Our children are two happy, well adapted little humans. They are and always have been, no matter the situation, surrounded by the highest most unconditional love.
And Ali is determined to alter the way most people think about polyamory, saying that it does not necessarily mean being sexually promiscuous.
She said: ‘There are so many types of poly relationships. What we are doing is redefining what is seen as normal constructs of a relationship. Redefining what we were taught love is meant to be.
‘Loving more than one person does not make the love you feel for one any less, as when you have a second child, your love multiplies.
‘People will always judge, no matter what you do or who you are. We are happy, our children are happy. We love each other. Need there anything more?’