Usije Tongozwa Ukakataa! 5 Things Woman Need To Know About Men

Piece by: Caren Nyota
Lifestyle

You can’t read your man’s mind (however much you try) – but there are other ways to find out how he’s feeling, says marital therapist Andrew G Marshall

1. Men outsource their emotions to women

We men have been brought up to act on, rather than examine our feelings. It doesn’t mean that we’re not capable of understanding our emotions but, on the whole, we’ve outsourced their day-to-day management to our wife. She will remind us to phone our mum, interpret what’s going on beneath the surface with our stroppy teenage daughter and come up with a strategy for defusing the rows. And if we have a real problem, such as depression or anxiety attacks, she will flag it up and send us off to one of the army of women in the caring professions.

2. Men can’t handle female anger

If you have a son, you’ll know how uncomfortable he gets when you lose your temper (because it seems the opposite of love). Obviously daughters don’t like it either, but they have learnt more strategies for dealing with it from the constant falling out and making up with their friends at school. In contrast, if a boy falls out with his male friends in the playground, they fight and it’s over and done with. Worse still, if he falls out with his sister or a female classmate, it’s frowned upon to ‘shout at a girl’ and he has to swallow his upset. So when his mother gets angry, his only strategy for coping is to appease her (because she’s probably the most powerful person in his life). When he becomes a teenager and needs to challenge his mum’s dominance in his life, unless his dad sets a good role model for defusing female anger, he has no option beyond continuing to please.

3. Men believe in love more than women

When you have children you are unlikely to let love rule your life. Men, however, believe in love with a capital L. After all, if he’s going to hand over his emotional wellbeing to you, he really needs to believe in ‘the power of love’.

4. Men in committed relationships think sex equals love

Women get their needs for intimacy met in a variety of ways – including from friends and from raising children. They also show their love for their partner by caring in practical ways – such as tending to his emotional needs. Meanwhile, men put their emotional eggs in one basket (their relationship with their partner) and express their love through sex.

5. Men do things for really obvious reasons

Men are simple creatures but, to quote one of our common complaints, ‘women overcomplicate everything’. So, for example, we leave our shoes in the hall rather than in the closet because we were distracted when we got home (and also we’re a bit lazy!), but you can overthink our motives into being disrespectful. You can also take something else from another part of our life – such as buying some expensive sports equipment for ourselves – bolt the bits together and build a cast-iron case to blacken our character.

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