Some first dates are like a dream: from the moment you lock eyes, you know everything is going to be just right and it is.

Others you wouldn't repeat if someone offered you a million in cold, hard cash.

This week, dating website EliteSingles asked 45,000 singles in 15 countries to share their worst first date experiences.

Here's their horror stories (and others) that make staying home alone suddenly appealing…

THEY'RE A CONTROL FREAK

'For the first date, he gave me a quiz that I had to fill in. The questions were about what I like to do during sex.'

Ordering the meal for you (without asking what you want), micro-managing every aspect of the date and looking like thunder if something goes even slightly wrong are all strong indications your prospective new partner is a control freak.

Some people quite like control freaks: if you're lazy and/or laid back, letting your partner organise everything is a bonus.

But if you feel you're the person who's best at making your own decisions (silly you!), smile sweetly when they send back their meal for the sixth time and never see them again.

THEY'RE OBSESSED WITH THEIR EX

'She showed me photos of her ex boyfriend within an hour of meeting her, sighing and saying "He's so good-looking isn't he?"'

I'm not sure what's worse – the date who talks constantly and lovingly about an ex or the date who rips shreds off them – but both are HUGE red flags.

If they've idealised their ex, you're never going to measure up and hate is merely the flipside of love.

The ideal response to questions about exes, should the topic arise naturally, is indifference that's got a kindly edge to it.

Be ultra-aware of people who blame everything on their ex and take no responsibility for their part in the relationship failing.

THEY ASSUME YOU'RE ALREADY AN ITEM

'He proposed.'

Sitting opposite someone you've known for a total of two hours and hearing them talk about where you're both going to spend Christmas should ring so many alarm bells, you can't even hear how much you're going to love their mum and sister.

Fast-tracking relationships is a huge turn-off for both sexes, making even the most attractive person seem desperate and clingy.

THEY'RE MEAN WITH MONEY

'He set up a date in a supermarket.'

In the old days, the rules were clear: the first date (instigated by him) would always be dinner and the guy always paid.

These days, 'dates' are way more casual: it's just as likely to be a coffee rather than formal outing so who pays the bill is less important.

But even if most couples do split the bill or take turns paying later on (according to relative salary levels), intent is everything on a first date.

This is when you're both supposed to be on best behaviour. If they don't even offer to pay or go halves, it's a pretty good indication generosity isn't one of their personality traits.

THEY'RE OVERLY SEXUAL

'He asked me to demonstrate with a dildo to check how I perform oral sex. Yes, on a first date.'

This girl's experience was extreme (I mean the guy actually brought a dildo with him on the date!), but plenty of women go on dates with men who make crude comments right from word go.

'He couldn't stop talking about how big my breasts were and how he couldn't wait to get his hands on them.'

'He launched straight into how many women he'd met on Tinder and told me his 'score rate' - how many he'd slept with on the first date – was 95 percent.'

Now that's a chat up line guaranteed never to work.

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THEY'RE JUST GROSS

'He ate a bogey while we were waiting for dinner.'

Other off-putting behaviour: turning up stinking of BO, wearing clothes with food stains all over them, eating sloppily and talking with their mouth full, bad breath and filthy hair and nails.

Why would you possibly want to kiss or get closer to someone who rocks up with any of the above (if it's more than one, just leg it!)?

THEY'RE RUDE

'He confessed to me that his hobby was to guess the weight of women.'

In my experience, it's often the people who have the least to offer that are the most critical of other people – which is what makes their comments even more galling.

These 'observations' are almost always offered up under the 'I tell it as it is/I'm only trying to help you by being honest' excuse (translation: I'm just about to insult you) but there's no mistaking the malice.

Misplaced feelings of superiority (like the obese guy telling his date she could use a few pounds) are a sure-free date deal breaker for anyone with remotely decent self-esteem.

THEY'RE DESPERATE

'He asked if I had any single girlfriends after I had told him it was not going to work for us.'

This, sadly, is far more common than you think.

Sometimes – well, maybe one in 100 times if you really like them but don't fancy them at all – you might even oblige.

More often, it just makes you feel desperate for being on a date with someone who'd stoop so low.

THEY GET SMASHED

'He got really drunk and passed out on the table.'

It's incredibly easy to get drunk on a first date that's significant: both of you are nervous and out to impress and gulping back alcohol in a bid to relax and 'be yourself'.

Plenty of people have woken up the next day with huge hangovers and hazy recollections of what was said at the end.

But there's a big difference between getting tiddly and getting so drunk you can't walk or pass out.

Substance abuse is even less fun the second (third, fourth, fifth) time you witness it.

THEY'RE OBVIOUSLY BORED

'She spent the whole date looking at her phone or gazing around the restaurant. There was no eye contact and she didn't even pretend to be interested.'

Monotone voices, zero effort to engage in conversation, yawning, making eyes at someone else…is there anything more demeaning than knowing your date is desperately disappointed with who turned up (you).

THEY MAKE A PATHETIC EXCUSE TO LEAVE

'The guy took a phone call within five minutes of me arriving and said something had happened to his Mum and he had to leave. He walked out laughing on the phone with the mate he'd obviously put up to it.'

All those elaborate schemes you concoct with their mates to rescue you if you don't fancy or like the person you're meeting, let's face it, most are hideously transparent.

Funny when you're the one taking the 'emergency call', not so funny when someone does it to you.

The only way to escape with any dignity is to smile and say, 'That's OK. I had a feeling my best friend might desperately need me for something the second I laid eyes on you'.