Opinion by Kim Koima
Sex, people love it but are not comfortable talking about it.
It’s funny how we can enjoy something but not want to talk about it.
Men love sex, it’s an obvious fact that men and sex are best friends but which one?
Sex was originally meant for procreation but in Nairobi it’s a staple food. it has since evolved and now people smash for fun.
Recreational sex is flat and boring, I mean where is the passion, intensity, thrill, blood rush and the elusive orgasms.
Most men don’t like the boring baby making sex, this is why they pick up ladies in town for a short trip to coochie land.
These clandestine meetings are strictly no-strings attached; it’s just about the sex.
These women give men the exciting sex life that eluded them after marriage. Unmarried men are getting in on the fun too!
Malls, javas, coffee joints and night clubs are girls’ favorite hangout spots. They just sit there sipping and talking about lots of nothings.
Most of these girls are willing and ready to hook up given the right circumstances and of course the money.
They dress up elegantly so as to attract high quality ‘customers’.
You will never really know which one to approach, it’s not like HORNY has been written on their foreheads.
When men find them seated like that, they observe from a distance first, read the mood then pounce on the right one.
A few words are exchanged and an agreement is reached, the lady gets in the car and they leave.
Men frequent night clubs for various reasons, getting a girl to smash is usually at the top of the list.
Yes, they love alcohol but there is this thing called a skirt that drives them crazy.
Girls are pack minded; they love to do things together, that’s why a group of girls drinking together at their own table in a club is a common sight.
A man sees this as an opportunity to brag about the size of his wallet, he will buy them a round of whatever they were drinking.
After this show of might he goes over and asks one girl to join him at his table, he liked just one girl in that group but he decides to splash cash on all of them just to get her attention.
The free drinks is a way of buying the pack’s approval; he will now pick the girl he likes without any resistance from her friends.
The streets of Nairobi at night are filled with women who offer sex as a service. Prostitution is illegal in Kenya so they are usually open for business late at night.
These women invest heavily in their looks; make up and short dresses are a must. They stand along these streets waiting to be picked up by potential customers.
On a busy night, Koinange Street is like a runway for models and men are the judges. They go there sit in their cars and observe, they will signal the one they like and drive away.
Sometimes they even stop cars and talk to the men. It’s a business so if you are not doing well then you have to change your strategy.
Having a car is an added advantage whenever you want to have a quickie. Sometimes you are so horny that you don’t have the luxury of getting a room so your car doubles as a bed.
At night along Nairobi streets when you see cars parked just know it’s going down!
Men love cars because it’s free and readily available, you don’t have to go through the hustle of booking a room.
They love privacy so sometimes they drive to a secluded place out of town, park there and get it done. You pass by and the only thing you see are the car’s shocks romping up and down while making little crinkly noises.
You don’t have to own a car to get laid in Nairobi, just be smart. In most clubs, they have installed condom dispensers in their washrooms.
To men this is like a clear invitation to smash in there. Having sex in a public washroom is exciting but uncomfortable as there is a lot of standing.
Horny men however don’t care as long as the urge has been attended to. He spots a woman, buys her a drink and after a few laughs they follow each other to the washrooms.
The next scene is of a woman pinned on the wall moaning heavily. Club washrooms come in handy when you just want a quickie.
The man here usually just buys drinks as payment, if he is not satisfied then he takes her home for an extension. Prostitution is a business; women give you their bodies in return for money. Letting you hit it for free is bad for business.
Not all the action is in town though, some men import ladies to their houses for sex and call it sleep overs.
This is what gave birth to ‘tuma fare’, women are sent money to come and spread their legs. After the women receives the dough, they are now ready to give up the national cake.
This is mostly done by single men who have their place all to themselves. The chiq can sleep over for a few days or leave after sex, it all depends with the man.
Occasionally the loaded ones decide to rent apartments in the leafy suburbs of Nairobi for their sidechiqs so that they can visit whenever they want.
They even go ahead and furnish the house for her, this will now be her office but with only one client; the one paying her rent.
Since sugar mummies invaded the scene rules have changed, men are now offering sex as a service.
They smash these rich and lonely women and in return their lives are bankrolled by their new ‘mums’.
These are for men who want quick cash and are looking for a shortcut to financial stability; they are like slaves to these women.
Money is a powerful bargaining tool and it can convince anyone at any given time to do your bidding.
Sugar mummies use their wealth to control the money-hungry men who would do just anything to be rich.
Some have girlfriends and have to literally work their ass off just to satisfy both of them. If he underperforms with the sugar mummy she drops him, if his girlfriend notices something amiss she starts asking questions.
The man is left with impossible task of chasing the orgasmic horse on two fronts.
It’s called sex when it’s done exclusively between two consenting individuals, when you do it with a different person that is prostitution which I also call the hoe-phase.
For as long as I can remember women have been called all sorts of vulgar names because of having different sexual partners while men on the other hand get away with it.
Men can also be prostitutes, who said that this name is only for women?
If you are a man and you are smashing different girls every time then you are a hoe, it is what it is.
The painful pill that we need to swallow is; there are as many male prostitutes as women in Nairobi.