Top 7 Of The Worst Lies Men Tell Women

Piece by: Uncle Chim Tuna
Lifestyle

Men are just as culpable for lying as women are when it comes to relationships but the difference is that men are much dumber about how they go about it. Well, save for gay men but that is another story for another day.

The thing about us men is that we lie to have sex or we lie to avoid getting into trouble for having sex. And when men lie, it is usually as simple as children's rhymes and we often feel so smart about our simple minded lies that it is almost comical.

So I decided that seeing as I have done a list of some of the lies women tell their men, it's only fair that I do the same about men. So I scoured the office for ideas and I must say that what I came up with was rather intriguing:

#6. I will pull out

I have never used this lie but it seems to be very popular seeing as the men are the ones who largely suggested this one. Why? Ha! #TeamRawIsWar is a thing! I was told by many guys that before they begin the bedmington match they feel pretty confident they have the strength to pull out... Then just at the point when one can see the gates of heaven beckon, their strength fails them.

#5. Those are not my condoms

Whenever you find your man with condoms in his car or in his drawer and you know you two stopped using condoms (perhaps because you're on the pill or perhaps because you believe in withdrawal as a method of birth control) trust that something is afoot.

But I guess you are lucky he even uses protection.

#4. I am allergic to condoms

Hahahahahahahaha! Do you know the number of population that is actually allergic to latex? According to the American Latex Allergy Association is

And even then, there are condoms made for such people! So this excuse is total hogwash yet shockingly, so many of my colleagues have fallen for it. And these are educated, very sexy women!

#3. I am single

I do not understand Kenyan men. On this one I must say I do not get them at all! These men are often chicken about acknowledging their significant others. I am not. But There is a caveat emptor -I am a polygamist.

Kenyan men however love surprising their lovers when their wives come home and they have to stuff these women either under the bed or in the closet. I once had a friend stuff his unwitting chips into the boot of his car and he forgot her there for the night!

#2. Nothing happened

I am ashamed to say I have used this one. And worse still, when I used it and I was asked for information I hadn't thought through everything so when I was pressed for details, I just sat there wearing the stupidest look ever!

If nothing happened, you would know nothing happened because I would proudly fill you in on every little detail. Why? To earn those brownie points.

#1. I love you

Guys will say this line in a heartbeat just so they can get into your panties! This line is especially reserved for the time wasters. You know the lasses that insist on you spending money then getting into a "situation" with? Aye! Those are the ones that get told these 3 magical words then get dumped a month later!

Worth a mention:

Kichwa tu!

We asked Instagram for the biggest lies men tell and they all unanimously mentioned this though I have insisted that this one is used by little boys just learning how to ride bicycles! Why? Because it ,akes absolutely no sense and only little ladies would fall for this.