From wasting your time, to being DTF( Down To Fuck) and finally transforming into wife material, find out the three stages a Kenyan woman goes through.Kenyan women fit into one mold. They frequent the same places, date the same men and wear the same clothes (see the ubiquitous black and white striped skirt). Similarly, they go through three phases. Here is a guide to properly understanding the Kenyan woman and the phases she goes through.

Time-Wasters.

AGE: 18-21

She is a confused creature that you should avoid at all costs. She has just finished school and everything about the outside world fascinates her. Imagine leaving a child who has been deprived of candy all her life in a candy store. This is exactly what these girls go through. She wants to experience it all, the clubbing, the older men, the hot spots in town et al. she is likely to ask you questions such as,"where are we going this weekend?", and send you plaintive messages like,"aki my hair is baad". Which is all well and good because you have money and you don't mind spending it. The only problem is, she never delivers. A couple of payslips, expensive alcohol and an even more expensive restaurants later, her reservations creep up. Suddenly, she is too scared to come over to your place and if she does, she wants to sleep on the sofa. This girl will waste your time. If you are patient enough, wait it out, it's just a phase. If you are not, give her a wide berth and come back after a couple of years.

To know what you expect after she has wasted your time see the next page.

DTF.

Age: 21-25

The novelty of the outside world has long worn off. Her heart has been broken countless times by guys who pretended to be charmed by her naiveté but ran off after a couple of desultory rolls in the hay. Her pent up rage and bitterness has sworn her off love. Now she is content with the aforementioned desultory rolls. She has learned that sex and love can be exclusive. This damaged soul has no qualms about trading sex for material goods. In fact, she welcomes it. She still frequents the club but now the goal has changed. She now seeks her next pay cheque.

Click on the next page to find out the final phase in a woman's epic journey

WIFE MATERIAL.

Age: 25-30

She is spent. After years of having insouciant and indiscriminate sex, she is beginning to rethink her strategy. The subtle remarks on her singleness are now outrightly spoken. She is considering marriage but all the men who sleep with her do not wish to marry her. So she changes. The clubbing stops, the skirt hems are pulled down and the church becomes her favorite hangout. Her Instagram is full of pictures of  meals that she has prepared in the hopes of luring a prospective candidate. If you met her in her formative years, you wouldn't recognize her. She is now a cultured woman who attends Bible studies and quotes Albert Camus.

Now you know. Ladies, which phase are you in? Guys, the girl(s) you are with now, which phase are they in?