The digital era has brought about an evolution in how things run most especially relationships. Unlike our parents, millennials are more tech-savvy and are able to hide their misdeeds well.
However, there are things we do that if our parents found out they would die of a heart attack.
1. Does your mother know you call another man other than your father ‘dzaddy’?
In this age of sponsors and cougars, it is no secret that some ladies call such men ‘daddy’ hence the witty phrase ‘Who is your daddy?’
If you do that shame on you.
2. Does your mother know you are a bedroom bully?
All parents assume their female kids are saints but does she know that you are a bully in the bedroom.
That you have practised all the pekejeng styles in the Kamasutra book? My sister repent.
3. That you drink, actually guzzle down drinks, faster than all your uncles combined?
Back in the village the only drink that is accepted is mild tea, soup, porridge or water but does your mother know you are the Konki master in the city? That you are pure fire, yaani flames?
Does she know that her daughter knows waiters by names because every weekend is ‘Parte after Parte’?
4. Does your mother know you cook, wash and clean up after a man who has not married you and probably will never marry you?
Back at home, we all find excuses as to why we cannot perform certain chores. You would rather even fake a headache.
But does your mum know that it’s you who calls your ‘man’ to ask kama ako na nguo chafu! Tofiakwa!
May the ancestors catch up with you.
5. Does your mother know that if you were to get lost she would never find you because your friends don’t know you by your real name?
She named you Waitherero but your friends know you as ‘Pesh Msweetest’ my sister may God pas you by as he comes to take us home.
6. Does your mother know that you are a pimp?
You are the friend that pimps your fellow friends to loaded men yet at home, you act like a saint. The thunder that will strike you is doing press-ups.
What other thing do you think your mother should not know to save her the heartbreak?