The only way to beat NAIROBI TRAFFIC 100% of the time

Piece by: Random Like Arum
Lifestyle

We've all been there... the feeling of “damn, I waste too many man hours in traffic" The heightened sense of anxiety which makes you realize that you know way too many curse words than you are ready to admit.

The feeling that your butt muscles have now acquired car seat memory and you are mastering the art of staying pressed while in traffic. Heck, if hell breaks loose you have an emergency bottle which you will pee in, or even have a spare tissue in case you have a bout of diarrhea and need to doo doo at a random bush (its called planning ahead).

It gets worse if you are in a matatu. Experience has taught you that a spare deodorant and chewing gum can come in handy. Chances are that you will be stuck in traffic while seated next to a person who thinks that showering once a week is really cool.

“Hey…. Want some gum?” you anxiously share. You may have sat next to a storyteller who wants to share every minor detail of his life. Someone who just craves to be listened to. Someone who doesn’t own a toothbrush.

Luckily, there is a solution. You don’t have to suffer and save endless hours in traffic. You don’t have to worry about phone thieves. You don’t have to save a portion of your lunch money because you have been forced to create a deo/chewing gum budget. You don’t have to experience that bus preacher who wants to sell you stickers that have bible verses or even worse the church preacher cum tropical sweets salesman who is known for saying “tatu tano…. Tatu tano”.

What’s the solution?

Getting an ambulance. Thanks to the internet, I'm starting an ‘Ambulance for cities’ crowdfunding initiative. Its gonna be an ambulance uber but only for people who are in the emergency of avoiding traffic.

I'm gonna name it ‘UberMbulance’. If you are unwell, sorry... get a flying doctor instead. This is strictly for the person who has a meeting at the other side of town and wants to get there in a hurry. At UberMbulance, we are passionate about disrupting the existing traffic space.

Download our app from the app store today.

Only available to Nokia and Blackberry users.