Jacky maribe, Joe Irungu, Monica Kimani
Jacky maribe, Joe Irungu, Monica Kimani

Can #TheRaverend call September one of the most violent months of 2018? With close to six murders reported this month, I doubt we have had any other month with such statistics… From the story of the judge’s daughter in Meru, the little boy in Ukambani, Sharon’s murder in Migori and now the most recent case of the 29-year-old lady found with a slit throat in her apartment around Denise Pritt… All these cases are extremely disturbing.

#TheRaverend doesn’t understand how taking another person’s life has become so easy… What’s even more disturbing is how quick and cheap you can get someone killed in the streets of Nairobi…

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‘We’re in pain, we want justice for our child,’ cries Sharon Otieno’s mother as Obado’s PA is charged

 What happened to respecting life? What happened to Kenyans’ forgive and forget mentality? Why are we so bitter and violent? Is it the mercury in the sugar or all the toxic poisonous shit we are being told about in our food stuff?

Why can’t people in a relationship just decide to each walk away when the relationship ends? Why can’t we let the police or the justice system deal with business partners or acquaintances who steal from us or rob us when doing a deal?

Something is very wrong with our society. We can’t resolve every problem we encounter with murder! The days when death was mostly an accident are a thing of the past. Ninjas be dying for even looking at other ninjas with a bad eye.

So #TheRaverend would like to send a quick warning to unsuspecting Kenyans on five ways to get capped! Killed! Or murdered in Kenya.

One: Mess with a sponyo’s mpango wa kando. That’s the fastest way to die in Kenya. Like if you’re a young guy and your chick has the latest iPhone and Samsung and she drives and she has no employment, run very fast! Don’t mess with that girl; she is another man’s property. A man with a gun or who can afford to hire men with guns to get you capped.

Two: Not paying debts. If you like taking loans or are the type of person who lives beyond your means, and you go around borrowing money and have no plan to pay or settle the debt, your ticket to meeting your maker iko jikoni!

Three: Con-trepreneurs. Being a serial conman, if you have perfected the art of conning other Kenyans and making that your profession, you will get a first-class ticket to the other side!

Also read:

‘You told me you’ll never get married without your own house and a car,’ sobs Monica Kimani’s father

Four: Wheeler Dealer Bonoko! If you’re the type of Kenyan who jumps into deals and because your greedy you keep all the spoils to yourself, you will be found dead like a dog very soon… Kenyans are not joking. If you get into a deal, make sure you only keep your share, not the whole share.

Five: Sleeping with married women is another deadly sin in the 254. This crime is so messy that even the authorities might turn a blind eye once someone bursts a cap on your ass.