Kenyans, we are special and peculiar. We are a one of a kind nation of 43 tribes. Nothing can shock Kenyans; we are immune to shock! The only thing Kenyans can stop is reggae.
With only week two of the month of September, them months already feels old and retarded. We have no clue where our President is after his trip to China.
I asked my barman, Kamande, where he thinks the President is, and the guy didn’t know if the man was still in China or Dubai.
Another person whose whereabouts Nairobi residents have no clue about is our governor, who we voted for overwhelmingly but has decided he will never step foot in his workspace.
Sonko has been and will be working from home until further notice…
Meanwhile, we have Elachi the county speaker, who loves her office and wants to be in office, but the forces that be at the county office that have issued an ultimatum to Sonko, saying they don’t want her to occupy her office.
‘Hata usingizi na appetite hakuna…’ Governor Obado speaks for the first time admits Sharon Otieno’s baby was his
Moving away from my county drama, let’s look at Migori, where the death of the university student who was alleged to be in a relationship with the governor is causing serious pandemonium.
As the Raverend, I believe we need to revisit the issue of “Mpango wa side” and “Sponyooz”.
The cardinal rule as enshrined in the Mafisi constitution states that
A side dish, aka can never replace the First Lady.
And in case the side dish gets pregnant, the sponsor, aka the sponyo should never panic. Instead, you should upgrade the clande’s status by getting her a permanent residence and start budgeting for child support.
“Getting a side chick pregnant is not the end of the world. It’s not a death sentence but an accident that can happen to any hot-blooded man.
“All men who have a side dish need to understand one thing. The whole world, including your wife, mother of your kids, knows about it; it’s not a secret. So to avoid getting caught up in all that side dish upgrade drama, sponsors are advised not get their side dish pregnant. Because when you get them pregnant, the side dish’s roles change, and she automatically becomes wife number two.
“Wedding or no wedding ceremony, the side dish you fought to keep secret will haunt you until kingdom come.”
‘Sharon Otieno was tortured, stabbed 8 times and raped,’ more horrifying details about her death surface
Having said that, people online need to stop having so much bile, as if this sponsor culture is anything new in Kenya. Sharon is not the first or the last side dish to ever roam the streets of Kenya.
We all need to concentrate our energy on encouraging the police to find her killers, because her being a Mpango wa side is irrelevant. Kenyans need to stop being callous and bitter. Side dish or not, the dead girl was someone’s daughter, sister or relative. Above all she was a human being, who didn’t deserve to go the way she did.
Mimi hii Kenya tangu MTU aruke from a speeding vehicle while seated between two people and survived! Defender wa Ghana afungie Kenya bao na Olunga a-celebrate like his own. Matatu iingie karao nyuma na itembee. Ngombe iuwe simba… Hakuna kitu kubwa ingine inaweza kutushtua. Things that shock Kenyans is when some foreigner calls our President a monkey.
If anyone should call our president a monkey it is the taxpayers. We voted him in so we can do as we want. Talking of facing East in the name of maendeleo, as #TheRaverend, I believe it’s time we started planning a repayment plan for all the deniz we owe China.
‘Nyinyi ni nyani tu!’ Meet the Chinese national set to be deported after calling Uhuru Kenyatta and Kenyans smelly, foolish monkeys!
Quickest solution and as matter, of national importance, we need to start looking at some of the things and people we can trade as we offset the huge debt. Starting with all slay queens and socialites, I think as a country we can survive without them. Plus they have proven to be a hot commodities uko overseas. We can also give out all our politicians so that we can grow a new batch.