Arsenal fans trying to reach the ref's phone in Njaanuary

“Sema… Where are you? Lets catch up over a drink”

Why do rich guys assume that everyone is as rich as them? Now I have to think of a crafty excuse to avoid him. “Errr… I have an early morning tomorrow man. Let’s do another time, ama?”

You see, the reason I’m avoiding him is that when mid-tipsy, I may ask for a loan which will qualify me for unrequited advice. “Chief, you need to be better at managing your money. You need to save. Start investing and all.”

A rich friend is a walking Ted Talk. Have you ever seen your rich friend’s Instagram? That stuff would make authors of inspirational books envious. With captions like “Nobody ever believed in me… so I believed. Work hard, play hard.”

Your rich friend won’t be able to relate to your problems. “Aah, that thing costs only 500K? I’ll buy it tomorrow and resell at a profit on Sunday”. You almost always want to avoid your rich friend because you may get bankrupt in an afternoon. “Bruuuh, si we get this Whiskey? It’s only 30K. You buy the first one then I’ll buy the second one. deal?”

They don’t have their hangover meals at Sonford like you do. They can suggest “Si we just go for breakfast at Sankara?” It’s good to have a rich friend when you are rich, but it’s a struggle when you are broke. If your rich friend is single, the girls who approach him will also assume that you are rich by association. Unlucky you if you attempt to hit on them. “I’m coming with Angela and Jackie… hope you don’t mind?”

Your rich friend has a habit of funding these girls habits because it really doesn’t dent his finances. He can afford it. You are now rich by association, right?

Now you are at a bar wondering “What have I gotten myself in to?” as you contemplate crying in the shower the whole morning. You don’t want to invite this girls over because they will discover how poor you really are with your empty Njaanuary fridge and your kitchen cabinet which only has salt as if you drink tequila for breakfast.

“Small lies lead to bigger lies” – Chinese proverb

Now you will have to avoid both your rich friend and the girls he introduced you to. “Umm, I’m leaving the country for a bit.”

…and then each and every day that you take a matatu, you say a short prayer.

“Dear Lord, I know that I have sinned, but please don’t let me come across any of those girls in my cummuting in and in my commuting out”. Too late! One day as you’re minding your own business, an attractive lady walks in to the empty matatu. You don’t really notice her because your mind is preoccupied with that Njaanuary brokenness.

“Haiya… Mike? Is that you?” You hear a lovely sweet voice say.

“Umm… Heeey? Well look what we have here! You!! Happy New Year!! Nice to meet you! Wow, what are you doing here? I’m just taking this jav on the way to pick my ride from the mechanic. I couldn’t get an Uber today… I think my app has a prob …ebu excuse me, I have to take this important call”

You then pick a fake phone call

“Oti! Hata nilikuwa naenda kukupigia. Umemalizia hio Range Rover yangu? …ah bana! Ni nini mbaya na wewe? Sasa nitaenda Eldoret aje?”

At least now the girl still thinks you are a rich down to earth guy. Njaanuary has it’s problems indeed!

MPASHO TV