During December, your bank account balance was huge. You were blinded by that neat bonus and you were on a spending spree, a frenzy influenced by conspicuous consumption. Your weekly budget skyrocketed by 200%. You were arrogantly filling up the supermarket trolley. You were fueling on full tank. You developed a taste for expensive whiskey and your relatives got soft loans because you were finally rich!
When the clock struck midnight on December 31st, reality dawned upon you. Suddenly, you remember that you have to go to work. Your kids who fed on Christmas junk food need new uniforms and school fees. Your car straight from upcountry needs new tires and servicing. Your boss is bullying you because there are new targets for the year which may be difficult to achieve because nobody really knows the effects of the past elections on the economy. You look at your bank account and start crying… in the shower.
“Aki hii Njaanuary”
What will the typical Kenyan do in January?
- Become a vegetarian. We all know that Ugali and Sukuma plain is cheap. “Nimewacha kukula nyama”. Lies! Huwezi afford nyama because Njaanuary is real.
- Working overtime. Your boss will be happy with your newfound work ethic. If only he/she knew that the overtime will pay for your loans.
- Weekends indoors. Drinking at the bar in Njaanuary is a luxury. In fact, if you do, you are having ka-quarter at the house as you lie to your rich friends “Nimeresolute kukuwa sober this year.”
- Matatu. Your car is probably lying at the garage because you are low on funds. You can always tell your friends “Gari ilikuwa kwa accident. Naipata next month.”
- Rationing. Since you are broke, you will start saying things like “Zima hio stima, usioge more than 2 minutes…. Punguza maji ya hio ugali” to save anything possible in Njaanuary.
- “Niko busy!” You will avoid social events that are not open bar and free buffet. In fact, if you are single.. you won’t go for dates. “Hio bash iko wapi? Ni open bar? Food iko?”
- Office tea. You will become vigilant when there is no office tea. “Kwani mnataka tufanye kazi aje?”. In fact, you may lead a workplace strike if there is no tea.
- Religious. Kenyans are known to become religious when they are broke. You may attempt to bribe your creator with “You see, I'm giving even when I have little... fill my cup”
- Avocado allergy. Avocado isn’t cheap. Don’t worry, in January you can always say “My doctor advised me to keep away from that evil meal”
- Inspirational posts. Being broke can humble you to the point that you even start to seeking inspiration by posting “The drought (in your wallet) is temporary.”