Njaanuary and electricity use
Njaanuary and electricity use

“There is a power blackout? Hooray”

The best thing that can happen during Njaanuary is a power blackout. Why? I can finally switch off my phone. One of the things that has been irritating during these first 29 days is the beeping meter. “Beep Beep… Beep Beep”. This Njaanuary, my house has been converted in to a phone charging station.

You could mistake my cold shower routine for a high school cheering squad “steam steam… pandaaa… steam steam pandaaa!” as I shuffle my feet and clap my hands like a mad man. I’m pretty sure that my neighbours think I’m possessed right now. When they see me, they probably say “Huyo anakuwanga na mashetani zake”

Cold showers are not so bad, getting in to one is the hard part. Cold showers also help you save on water. I have never taken a long cold shower. You always take a cold shower in a hurry, distributing water and soap mainly to your armpits. If showers were races, a cold shower would be a 100m sprint while a hot shower would be a marathon.

Anyway, I digress, I’m here to share on my Njaanuary cost saving tactics.

Usually, when taking a long shower there is usually a romantic song playing in the background. Bathroom karaoke is usually the norm as I channel the inner Celine Dion “My heart will go oooooooooooooon” as I drown in my own warm shower titanic. Not this time. Njaanuary cold showers are similar to kamba music. Hurried up like someone stole the musical instruments. “Hata si lazima nioge saa ile taa imewaka”

A cold dark shower is the total opposite of what you would expect in hell. The funny thing is that the body movements you experience in a cold shower suggest that you are burning. “TSSSSSSSSSS WOLOLOLOO…. EISH” are The expressions you give when the cold water is on your back.

Warming water for tea on the electric kettle is a rumour. The units are closely monitored like a scientific experiment that could potentially save the world. Ironing is done when only necessary. In fact, I justify it with “Si ata high school sikuwa napiga pasi?”

The news that Kenya power may be raising their tariffs is the most stressful news ever.

“Aki nini mbaya na hawa watu? Serikali saidia” I say to myself as I hold my head in despair. The TV and radio have been unplugged for obvious reasons “These things are a major distraction. Heri nisome kitabu nikuwe mjanja” I justify. Truthfully, I’m broke and in hibernation mode.

I really cant wait to take a hot shower next month. Alternatively, I’ll go visit my mother for the weekend and take a long therapy shower. I’ve missed singing Ken Wa Maria’s ‘Fundamentals’ in the shower.

MPASHO TV