Since July 2017, the city of Nairobi has experienced a "single persons epidemic" that has threatened to wipe out the existence of happy couples. In fact, word has it that the acting Cabinet Secretary for the Ministry of Internal Security and Coordination of National Government in Kenya, Dr. Fred Matiang'i in conjuction with the Governor of Nairobi County, Hon. Mike Mbuvi 'Sonko' are planning to have a series of Nairobi holidays gazetted for the purpose of city dwellers to re-examine themselves.

Too many Nairobi people are eating alone at restaurants or not sharing their precious avocado. It is actually scary to imagine the huge number of avocado going to waste. I can only estimate that it's about 1.93 tons daily within the city of Nairobi alone.

In an attempt to spread awareness, here are a couple of mistakes to avoid being struck by the epidemic.

1. Not having an umbrella. The number one cause of being single in Nairobi is not having an umbrella. Why? The weather is unpredictable and from time to time it rains in Nairobi. If you have an umbrella, you don’t have to use lame pick up lines. You just say “Niko na umbrella... ingia”
2. Not taking good selfies. Pretty much everybody is on at least one social media platform and people, particularly men, are known to take terrible selfies. You absolutely cannot be having a potato-head selfie and expect replies to your messages. As people, we tend to judge unattractive people harshly. Take good selfies.
3. Do more with your past time than just “Changia mzinga”. Partying in Nairobi is fun! But then again, meeting people when they are intoxicated and wearing their Sunday best can be deceptive. Join a book club, go to the art gallery, go to the National park, go to the museum ...you will meet interesting people everywhere and it will be much cheaper tham “Tuchangie mzinga ya KC Coconut”. This is the truth.
4. Not having a powerbank. It beats simple logic that people don’t have powerbanks in this age of smartphones. Your next love in Nairobi is literally a dying phone away and needs a charger. Be a hero. Nunua hio powerbank leo!
5. Don’t get that JKIA accent. It amazes me how Nairobians try to speak English like Englishmen but don’t expect foreigners to speak Swahili like Kenyans. Stop going to the airport to get that fake Amero-Europe-Naija-Dutch accent that is popular with fashion bloggers. People aren’t dating you because they can’t understand you. What the heck is “Avocarrro”?
6. Don’t forget the lyrics to the national anthem... ‘Bablas’. The easiest way to fall in love, is to sing bablas in public. Everybody loves bablas.
7. Don’t dress like a tenderpreneur. Tenderpreneurs shop at the dingiest boutiques. In fact, there is no tenderpreneur that is in a relationship ….. because of how they dress. Avoid dressing like one and you may fall in love