How to handle your rejection sensitivity in intimate relationships

Piece by: Ascah Mwango
Lifestyle

• Let your intentions be known to them, don’t turn away, do not shy away from asking them out.

Couple fighting
Image: Photos for class

At some point in life, we’ve all had a crush on someone and experienced the excitement that comes with chasing and teasing.

It’s all fun and games till this guy or girl turns you down when you decide to let your interests known to him or her.

Having a crush is normal, liking someone is biologically normal as we are social beings. Approach that lady you’re crushing on, and approach that guy you like.

Let your intentions be known to them, don’t turn away, do not shy away from asking them out. However, if they say they are not interested in your advances, do not pursue them further. Especially, when you’ve tried convincing them over and over. Don’t be desperate.

I’ve had a fair bit of rejection in the relationship department. It’s not fun, being rejected isn’t but it’s expected at some point.

Despite how it may seem, I can’t stand rejection.it sets you up to feel miserable, terrible and don’t get me started on how your self-esteem gets knocked down at that moment.

But then, you can’t feel rejected if you don’t allow someone to have that status over you. Bear in mind that people have a right to turn down your romantic advances, accept the fact that they do not want you, it’s you they don’t want.

No one is under any obligation to like you back. Do not impose your feelings on anyone forcefully. You like him, so what? If he doesn’t like you back take that simple “no” and put it into good use, like shifting your interests to someone else or just focus on your growth as an individual.

All of us want and need to feel accepted, loved and cared for. It’s one of the psychological necessities of human existence that starts in childhood and follows through to adulthood.

We are not taught the art of accepting rejection. It’s not in any school curriculum and I’m pretty sure there is no ‘blueprint’ for handling emotional rejection in a relationship.

How to Power Through Rejection

1. Feel Everything

With rejection, comes trauma, stress and anxiety, physical pain, and depression. However, allow yourself the luxury of letting the feelings-both positive and negative flow through you. Do not hide from them. Experience them and make a step towards recovery.

2. Do Not Blame Yourself

It is not your fault someone doesn’t like you back. It’s not your fault someone sees life without you. Remember, you tried your best pursuing this person; came up with nice date gestures, bought them a bouquet of flowers, invited her out to the cinema, organized road trips and cottage dates.

Surely, what kind of chasing should one do to win someone. Totally your best. Do not blame yourself for what you don’t have control over.

Matters of the heart are hard to understand, if you have it figured out, lucky you. In fact, congratulations.

3. Allow yourself some compassion

Do not stop at not blaming yourself, go a step further by giving yourself some compassion. Give yourself credit for trying.

Surround yourself with positive and like-minded individuals who show you compassion and give you emotional support. They will help you navigate through it all.

As I said, there’s no clear way of dealing with emotional rejection, this is an opinion piece and everyone is entitled to his or her opinion.

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