Some ladies have guts to date touts I must say. Not that they are bad people, but I just can't stand them. I use matatus on a daily basis, but the things touts/makangas do make me hate them. Talk of abuses; most of them seem to have graduated with PhDs and Masters in vulgar language and that's why I can never be close to such beings.

Well, after all the experiences I have gone through in the hands of matatu touts, here is my advice to Kenyan ladies; never date a tout and here is why.

1. They are dirty

Not all but most of them are dirty. Are you getting married to a tout so as to become a home science teacher or a house maid? Are you ready to bath that man stinking like garbage or clean his foul smelly mouth? Ladies unless you have specialised in hygiene related courses, you will also end up like him. Choose wisely.

2. Very abusive

Forget street urchins, Kenyan touts are the kings and queens of abuses. They have loose tongues. Whatever comes out of their mouth can make one even commit suicide. Ladies, how sure are you he will not insult you, including your family on a daily basis?

3. Heartless

There is no one as heartless as a matatu tout. They can say anything even to the handicapped without a care in the world. Most of them mistreat the disabled on a daily basis but if to try to correct them, he or she will go ahead and insult both of you without a second thought. Do you still want to date or get married to a tout? Go on!

4. Womanisers

Why would a normal lady date a tout? Unless you are from mars or another country, and because you haven't interacted with them in your lifetime. Women are always the main victims especially those who travel in PSVs. "Mama si mimi nilikuambia unone, lipia izo viti mbili ama nikurushe inje. Hii gari si ya wazee ndio uniambie nireduce music, wazee wako mashambani wanachunga boma zao...." These are just some of the things they tell women in the matatus. Ladies, how sure are you he will turn into an angel once you are married?

5. Cheaters

If you are ready to marry or date a tout, be ready to be cheated on with mama mboga, Shiru wa tao, Karimi wa sacco, Caro wa campus and the rest. Touts seem to attract young women especially those who dress well, thanks to Gikomba Market. Women love touts because they give them free rides. Every morning he leaves the house and tells you that he is going to work and in the real sense, he is taking Caro on a date; when you find out and ask about it, you will be beaten to death and even thrown out of his house. Ladies, do not be deceived by looks, never date a tout, let him date his fellow makangas!

6. Chewing Miraa/Muguka

This seems to be a profession for many of them. Most touts spend time hanging around "the base" in groups chewing miraa, and funny leaves known as muguka. Is he a goat? If he cannot work to make sure you are well kept, why stick with him? Ladies avoid such embarrassments and date a real man aka mwanaume ambaye anajitambua!