“Guys…. Today we are going out!” Is what I usually say on Friday. I'm tired of going out to the club and figuring out that someone hasn’t showered before coming to the club.

Yes, Nairobi still has water rationing but that’s no excuse.

Kenyan women are beautiful. Also there is a particular percentage of them who don’t shower before they go to the club. How do you know that a girl in the club hasn’t showered?

1. She dances with armpits closed. When the DJ says “Put your hands up in the air!” she won’t…… despite telling you that she was single minutes ago

2. She has no perfume. How do you know that she has no perfume? When you give her a hug…. You smell rexona

3. You are dancing with her and keep on asking yourself “Nani ameshuta?”

4. When you take her home, the first thing she asks is, “kuna maji kwa bafu?”. Yes, she wants to shower

5. She will sneak the mineral water that you bought her at the club because water is a rare commodity. “Haki maji inakuwanga rare Roysa….. kwanza hii rationing”

6. She has a massive handbag. You see, I figured out that these massive handbags carry a whole load of stuff….. shoes, a change of clothes, make up set, yesterdays leftovers, sleeping bag, umbrella, tent, sheesha, power bank…….. Yes, if she has a massive handbag, she didn’t shower before you met

7. She asks “Hio club iko na shower?”

8. She doesn’t have waterproof make up. Chics who aren’t scared of water wear waterproof make up…. Its science. Just ask her a random “Hio make up yako ni waterproof?” and get your answer

Good luck going out this Friday and getting you a girl who has showered.