'I wanted to sleep and never wake up again,' Kenyans share heart wrenching stories on being suicidal

Piece by: Caren Nyota
Lifestyle

Suicide cases are very common everywhere and every day we wake to suicide notes all over social media. Many are driven to commit suicide after battling depression and in this week's question, we asked Mpasho fans "Have you ever had suicidal thoughts? How did you cope?"

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The responses were heartwrenching and below is what some posted.

djsmithke After posting the suicidal thought on my WhatsApp status, I can say my friends are the ones helped me to deal with it. And also praying

thegirlzkorner254 Still fighting, but the thought crosses my mind more than 10 times a day 😢😢😢😢😢.

Clarah Dipssy I remember while in Nakuru I took red cat mixed it with water then drank it, I was so sure by morning I would be no more, in the middle of the night I experience some real stomach pain that I ended up vomiting the poison. That pain made me realise that it is not easy to die just as how people think. It is not a one time thing.

Stella Francis Yes my daughter was 9months just when I was sure it was time...my daughter started crying

Kelvin Omondi I once thought of killing my stubborn, ungrateful wife then kill myself, what stopped me is the thought of kind of life my beautiful daughter angepitia

Jonathan Kioko I once thought of pulling the trigger one day and blow my head off, I cocked my gun placed the muzzle on my lower chin but after squeezing the trigger my gun jammed no bullet come out

iamverahk I had to pray harder. Thinking of being left behind lonely by the only person you love the most that is when my life hit reality. Rip mom. Anyway I turned to God for help so that I can get a chance and bring my mom's dream a reality no doubts or regret that dream is a reality now.

Nick Sitati If only you get someone you trust and love(a friend whos earned it) that whenever you get down, you reach out to them...had 5fails and now happy I have someone that helps me face them...stay away from judgy friends they'll tear you down

Christine Muoka I wanted to sleep and never wake up again. I was tired of life.

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Dalvin Cliff Moh Yes I had suicidal thoughts after staying in my first relationship for 13years since high school all the way through college and went abroad only to come back and find my woman pregnant 😢the culprit a police officer, I cried got depression, tried ending my life but overcame that shit after my boys came wakanipiga kama nugu just because of a woman who never cared about me ,men I came back to my senses ,I got into a new relationship, all the same, happened once more with the other chick this time round I had to let go, I thank God that this shit has never come back and everytime I think of what people go through I seat down and pray silently am now okay,I suppose many things prevented me from actually killing myself. If you asked me at the moment I walked away from the edge of death I would have said I was too stubborn, but really there was much more to it. There are people that need me, need each and every one of us. None of us are an island and though it may seem like nobody cares when the suicidal thoughts take over there are people who would be completely devastated if I committed suicide. The suicide would not make my pain go away, it would just pass it on to somebody else. There are so many experiences to be had in this world. In one year or even in weeks time everything can change to make it feel like multiple lifetimes have passed since then. If I kept pushing on eventually something worth living for would come along. I was right and I am so glad I never ended it. In stead of dying I instead made changes. I had nothing to lose, no matter the change I could still kill myself any time so I could do anything. I explored my mind. I faced my fears. I pushed my lonely heart from a comfort zone as hard as I could. I tried new things and looked for new knowledge. The me that was suicidal feels like a distant past and will probably never come back given all I have gained from the experiences never ever

Sunil Punjabi I thought of my son who was just 2 years old at the time and never looked back again. By God's grace I'm ok today

Am Tina I was at the edge.. And when almost losing it and giving up Jesus came thru for me.. We are just a little inpatient.. He got you.. My mum and my sisters were my prayer warriors though.. I couldn't do it alone.. Hang in there my friend..sending love n light.

Liz Maasai Roberts I have attempted twice...but thank God someone came to my rescue.

Ches Mbele Thought of killing me and my babies but nikafikiria my parents and siblings ile stress watakuwa nayo nikaona nipambane na life....sometimes when stressed the thought still creeps into my mind!

bamma_ke Just pray and word of God helps a lot

Wafula MaKenn Several times I felt worthless, contemplated suicide. I tried to take off my life but I escaped death narrowly after jumping off into the River Nzoia from its bridge, luckily enough the water table was very low, it couldn't enable me to drown.

I never believed I was still alive. That was 2016

Moryn Brandy Threw my ass on the road in between vehicles. I had perfectly timed and jumped right in between.. I was 10 years old. That was my very first attempt. Second time I was suffering from severe ulcers, went to the doc then I secretly used to overdose I wanted to die slowly but guess what, my condition only worsened. I was 11.i have countless times gone up tall buildings, rooftops and mist times someone walked on me before I could jump.pale archive i have walked right into traffic and miraculous someone saved me twice. i was abused and beaten a lot since I was young until I was 18.being constantly told that I will amount to nothing. The trauma affected me so much.i was homeless at some point because of the rejection I faced from home. Slept on the floor and wore my clothes as a blanket. Life is not fair for real!.Thanks to them now I have to deal with depression, anxiety, PTSD,.and I cannot have friends, can't keep friends, I trust no one.but am never going to try killing myself again. I gotta live for me untill am convinced enough that death is the last option.

Diana Bii One of The worst things the family of the suicide victim has to go through is the guilt and the If's. If we had gone there 5 minutes earlier we would have saved him or her.

There is that constant self-questioning about what you did wrong or what you could have done better. It's a constant thing that i don't think ever goes away.

I don't know who needs to hear this but, you are awesome, you will get through it, you are not done yet, it is not over until God says it's over.Keep going!!!Don't give up

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