There has always been this debate on whether a woman should change her name after marriage. Some have done it while others feel that changing your second name to your husband's doesn't necessarily change things.

Well, a city woman who is about to get married, is not willing to take her husband's last name. According to her, she wants to keep her maiden name and she doesn't want to take it as her middle name. In short, she doesn't want to use her husband's name at all.

Here is what she thinks about taking her lover's name;

"My wedding is in three months and I have serious doubts about changing my name. Coming from a somewhat traditional family, I always assumed when I got my married I’d take my husband’s name, just like my mom and sister, but the closer the wedding gets, the less I want to drop my last name. It’s part of my identity, it signifies my heritage and connects me to my family. I’m not far enough along in my career where I NEED to keep my maiden name, so that’s not an issue. More than anything, it’s an emotional urge – I just don’t want to drop my maiden name. I don’t even want to take my maiden as a middle name, because really, who asks about your middle name? How many people even know what your middle name is? I would like to take his last name in some capacity, but that doesn’t mean I want to lose my last name at the same time.

I’ve told all this to my fiancé several times and mentioned that maybe I’ll hyphenate or have two last names. At first, he kept saying it was a bad idea, because our names together sound scarily close to “Frankenstein.” But after we talked about it more, it became obvious that he was upset that I don’t want to change my last name to his. He doesn’t mind if I keep my last name as a middle name, but he really wants me to be Mrs. Smith, NOT Mrs. Fitzwilliam-Smith or Mrs. Fitzwilliam Smith. He said if I don’t change my name, it seems like less of a commitment – like it’ll be easier to back out of our marriage, which is not how I think about it at all! He even went as far as to say that it seems disrespectful if I don’t change my name because I’m not considering his feelings.

Changing my name is not a nice little favor I can do to make him feel better, like making him cookies or giving him a back rub. And whether or not I change my name, I’m the one who has to live it. Other than a few occasions here or there, it won’t really affect him much. On top of that, it makes me kind of angry that if I add his last name, it’s still is not enough for him – he actually wants me to drop my last name.

Since both of our opinions come from very emotional places, I don’t know how to find a compromise. Has anyone else gone through something like this? And if there are any guys reading this, I’d really appreciate your opinion, since it’s much harder for me to see this from a man’s perspective." 

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