No one ever pictures themselves as second wives but truth be told we sometimes find ourselves in such marriages.
So how do you successfully co-wife?
Sarafina Wairimu and Caroline Waithira, wives to the late Mugithi Maestro John De Mathew have proven it is possible.
Below are a few tips that worked for them.
- Introduce them to each other
One thing that makes polygamy effective is introducing them to each other, whether they get along or not they will at least know they are not the only ones.
Gone are the days when co-wives appear during burials.
Speaking about her experience Caroline said that De Mathew gave her an ultimatum
‘He called me one day and told me he wanted me to meet his first wife, I was reluctant but he told me if I refused I could not continue living with him.’
2. Do not bad mouth one wife to the other
No matter how bad things might get, do not bad mouth your first wive to your second wife. Just sort your issues or talk it out with someone else.
3. Do not teach the kids to be enemies
Kids have a mind of their own, so let them decide on their own if they want to be friends or not.
Sarafina, De Mathew’s first wife said that he never favoured the kids.
‘He would take our daughter Shiku then pass by Caroline’s house and take her son and take them all out together.’
4. Let them create their own rapport
The temptation to want to force your wives on each other might be high but let them find their own way towards each other.
Speaking about their relationship Caroline, De Mathew’s second wife said that Sarafina reached out to her and that helped them be friends
‘She started texting asking how I am doing, before long we would meet at the supermarket randomly, after that we started taking our kids out together.’
‘We became such good friends that our husband started becoming afraid of the friendship.’
5. Love them equally
Loving one woman more than the other and showing it is a recipe for disaster.
According to De Mathew’s wives, he loved them equally
‘When he was at Sarafina’s place he would give her shopping money for both of us and she would then send it to me via Mpesa.
If she was at my place he would do the same, not once did he favor one of us more than the other.’