Maybe you don’t have money this Christmas, maybe you are just stingy or maybe you don’t like spending money on alcohol.

Not to worry, there are numerous ways you can save money this Christmas season without breaking the bank.

1. Attend a BYOB party. These parties are great because there is no way an individual can finish a bottle of whiskey by themselves. The strategy here is to arrive with a bottle of KC fashionably late and use the “Mzinga zingine zote zilikuwa zimeisha kwa wines and spirits”. They will understand. Go ahead and suggest “Si tumalize hizi kwanza kabla tufungue KC” then proceed to keep the KC in the fridge. Congratulations! You have now managed to get drunk with whiskey on a 700 bob investment.
2. Drink at home before you go to the club. The great thing is that thanks to taxi hailing services, you can now afford to do this. Buy a quarter KC and soda. Mix it all up as you listen to your favourite Ken Wa Maria song “These are the fundamendoooooooos”. By the time you join your friends at the local, you wont want more alcohol and will tell the waiter “Nipee maji baridi”. Maximum budget of 500 bob. Smart moves!!
3. Get a sponsor. Yes, sponsors wont hesitate to buy you whiskey. Whats 5,000 bob to a millionaire?
4. Join a “Tuchangie mzinga” SACCO. Yes, a group of friends coming together in the spirit of Harambee have built many a gabion. Why not use the same collective effort to get a mzinga, This is leverage. Be smart enough to sit next to your friend who doesn’t drink much and you will reap maximum returns.
5. Become a taster at a brewery company. Enough said.
6. Work at an advertising agency that has alcoholic brands as its clients. If you work for an ad agency and your client is satisfied with their sales due to your kick ass campaign, guess how you get rewarded... Free alcohol! Carry your 'borrol' home and have a collection.
7. Befriend a club owner. Doing favors for people is a powerful way to get free stuff. Identify a club owner and help him in a small way. Make his life easier get him a deal, get him a girlfriend. If you want to get, be willing to give first. Beware of alcohol poisoning though!
8. Go upcountry and experiment with traditional brews. Be careful not to take Kumi Kumi, because we wont be responsible for you going blind. Yes, traditional brews have been known to get people drunk for days. If you're really looking to save money and have a loose 20 bob, go for it. Just be sure to wear diapers!
9. Become like your high school chemistry teacher and take Ethanol. Okay, am I the only one who went to a school where the teachers consumed ethanol? Okay… I should have gone to a better school.
10. Become an attractive person. Do attractive people know how lucky they are? Human cognitive biases make us to treat attractive people as more honest, pleasant and trustworthy. If you are attractive, people will assume that you are of a higher status and accord you some privileges. Who wouldn’t want free drinks for jut looking good? That’s why I'm going for a plastic surgery this evening. Hio pombe lazima nipewe!!