Warembo wa Nairobi wamechoka!

They cannot stand it any more. They want sex, not just any sex, good sex. One city girl took to Facebook to rant about how badly Kenyan men are performing in bed.

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In a rant, the woman wrote,

“Am I the only one who doesn’t and will never tolerate bad sex?Like I can just tap the man on his back and tell him I don’t feel anything.Aache tu kunichosha bure.Am not enjoying anything.Ni nyege tu ananiongezea.
Kwanza those men who aren’t patient to an extent hakuachii time ya kuwet naturally,wanaanza kukupaka mate.I really hate that.Those are the men I can’t tolerate.Tutalala hio bed moja kama wanaume wawili if you can’t make me feel…ooow,gooooo”

Here are other hilarious stories by other women who are equally frustrated.

  1. The Nipple Bruiser

Kuna wengine wana finya nipples na kuturn around kaa ambaye ana tune in station kwa zile radio za kitambo!! Bbe gentle with dem nipples.”

2. The Bad Kisser

Pwahahahaha nilidhani ni mimi tuu, kwanza unikiss vibaya ati unaniosha na mate weeee nitajaza makohozi kwa mdomo na nikuwekee kwa mdomo yako.

3. The Talker

Na wale wanaume wakuongea mob during sex na hakuna kenye anafanya hapo ndo nakosanga chills. I can relate, yaani kazi yao ni pang’ang’a mob tu, mara ati, “Ooh baby you feel it. Ooh is it sweet?” Ooooh zao ndo mob, badala ya kuhit nunu tu vizuri na tumalize. Yawa karibu mtu anaongea in tongues na hakuna kitu anafanya hapo ndo unajua witches wa kwao hawalali

4. The Greedy Lover

I hate kupakwa mate pia. Foreplay is very important. Let me beg you to go in, si ati unakimbilia tu hivyo. Si choo. Nkt. I also hate mtu aniguze asshole. Whether by mistake or not. Navaa nguo naenda! Saitan!

5. Bonny Bones

Pray you don’t get a slim one with a toothpick who wants to drill you na hafiki sa hio ako na kamfupa kanakugonga kwa groin. Asubuhi una limp, hiyo tuu unaongezwa nyege plus injuries.

6. Msee Manyege 24/7

Halafu kingine kinakuamsha usiku na mboro imefura kwa thende (buttoks) zako kinakushow wee rora naguku kina kuhaicirira (You, turn this way or just mount me)…I used to shtukia nisharudi usingizi naamshwa na kimtetemeko kimtu kikicum. Yenyewe msee hutoka mbali saaii I can’t stand that.

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7. Mr. Vaseline

I’ve heard of those guys who bring Vaseline with them to the bed for wetting manenoz…Nkt. I hate lazy men. Me and my strong Luhya genes I can’t even stand a quickie! But God has been faithful and has kept such men at bay. Life is too short for mediocre sex. I looooove me some good dick. LOL. Ouch! Thanks to our Lord Jesus that Kisii, luyha and luo hawatupakangi mate ….they prepare us to wet and turn yummy for easy everything

8. Kama Ni Mate Ni Ya Kuramba

Ulimi ni very different, kwanza when he spreads your labia vizuri and makes a number 8 with his tongue on your clit, my friend hata kama unakuanga dry everything will come out to moisten your nunu. You’ll wet vizuri sana. Sio maneno ya kupaka mate kwa mtree alafu ailazimishe. Never ever.

9. The Do It Yourself Guy 

Simple solution, tell him he didn’t do anything. Then play with yourself until you come. Then make sure you tell him your fingers can do a better job. Then you kick him to the curb.

10. The Well Endowed Braggard

I used to date a dude who would brag that he will rock my world and bring heaven down. Wapi. When it got to the race, the dude was as awkward as a fish trying to climb a tree. Hakua anajua the female anatomy. His mtree was big but I guess that is why he thought he doesn’t need to learn any foreplay. Ghasia. I had to mount him and satisfy myself.

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