Former reality TV star Valerie Kimani has opened up about her turbulent past. She reveals that most of her past relationships drained her and left her numb and empty.
It took her years to get over the toxicity of their interactions to grow into who she is and ostensibly got a calling into becoming a wholesome coach.
"My name is Valerie. I didn’t set out to be a Wholeness Coach. I wanted to be a Hollywood star like Lupita (don’t we all 😭)," she wrote on her Instagram page, Chai The Podcast.
Valerie explained how she was addicted to relationships to her own detriment.
"Some people smoke, others drink. For most of my life, relationships have been my (subconscious) drug of choice and they almost killed my spirit. But even more than that, I wanted to stop hurting. I just didn’t know how."
"The people I loved and valued the most were also the most dismissive and neglectful. ‘You’re soooo sensitive/too needy/too much!’. I learnt early that I needed to shut down to survive. Shutting down is dangerous. You don’t recognize when you’re past your limit. You don’t feel the damage until it’s too much."
Valerie pointed out that her empathetic nature was taken advantage of.
"My empathy was my Achilles’ heel. The thing that allowed me to keep forgiving/justifying/enabling when what I needed to do was to protect it from being exploited.
She listed all the things she did to try and keep peace in the relationship and fit in. Things that reigned havoc to her spirit and inner self.
"I constantly gave up a relationship with myself for a relationship with someone else. Hello codependents 👋🏽
I ignored red flags so I wouldn’t be alone
I sacrificed my boundaries to belong
I sabotaged my character for intimacy. You know that bitter-sweet toxic high...
I settled for sex when what I really wanted was to be held
I lost my voice to keep the peace."
To fix the situation, Valerie says introspection gave her perspective/
"I thought it was me! I was the problem. The broken thing that needed fixing. After years of invalidation and surviving two smear campaigns, I finally get it. I’m not crazy! I was just living in a crazy world, trying so hard to make it feel normal."
"Here I am now, mid-thirties, on the other side of a͟l͟l͟ my trauma, looking at God like 👀
I didn’t know it was possible to be free from toxic relationships. To be fully healed from past trauma. To know unconditional love. To love my life 🙆🏽♀️. It took intentional work, but it’s possible."
Valerie opened up about her story to anyone else who feels like she did. To get a free one hour coaching call .