• Always listen for clues because they may be in physical danger.
• Sometimes all they want is a hug and a prayer
Actress Idah Alisha has recently confessed to having regrets about getting married at 21 years.
In an interview with Lynn Ngugi, Idah said she was married to an abuser, suffered heartbreak and made the decision to leave and relocate to the USA.
"That man used to undress me after he beats me and I'm still not over it. People didn't know too much about that. That's the kind of man I was married to, na nikiambia watu.
I was scared to tell people these things are shameful You hear people say they were raped in marriage then you ask how is that possible and it's your husband?"
Idah has been praised for opening up and here is how you as a friend should handle such a moment.
1. Offer empathy
This means as a friend or relative who is privy to the information, focus your discussions on her feelings, not the aggressors feelings.
You can say things like:
- "I’m sorry you have to go through something so painful."
- "I’m guessing you’re really confused right now."
- "It sounds like you’re extremely hurt and disappointed in him/her."
2. Listen carefully for clues
They may be in physical danger. Perhaps they have hinted they are being stalked, beaten or have thoughts of suicide.
3. Don't rush to offer advice
Here's why you don't offer advice. You are not a licensed professional. Rushing to help may do more harm than good.
The most common mistake people make is early advice, premature advice or specific advice.
Very often, the victim just needs a hug and encouragement and even prayer.
4. Don't take sides
You must stay neutral even though you feel bad your friend is unhappy.
And this is where point 3 also comes in. A Trainer professional is suited to analyze a situation and remain objective when hearing accusations by one spouse against another.
Hope this has been helpful.