Being a boss babe is not a bonus when dating

GEOFFREY MBUTHIA ENTERTAINMENT SUB-EDITOR

27 January 2022

The term boss babe aka lady has become a statement of high praise and endearment among many millennial and gen z women. According to one of the definitions in the urban dictionary, the term means:

"A woman who owns her own business. As a center of influence, she knows what she wants and goes for it. She's in charge of her life and makes no apologies or excuses for who she is."

The term is used among female friends to gas each other up, something I think is essential among a friend circle.

My only issue with this colloquialism is that while the terminology's origins are positive and aspirational, it might have come to affect the way modern women do relationships.

Let me explain.

While feminism has done a lot for women's rights in the home and out of the home that doesn't mean it has made things perfect.

There is still that stubborn thing called biology and it still persists in how a majority of men relate to the women they date.

Men and women in relationships are supposed to complement each other. What that means is that in most 'normal' relationships men want their women to be stereotypically feminine.

By feminine I mean; nurturance, sensitivity, sweetness, supportiveness, gentleness, warmth, passivity, cooperativeness, expressiveness, modesty, humility, empathy, affection, tenderness, kindness, helpful, and devotedness.

Unfortunately, feminine traits are punished in this cold capitalist world we live in, so many boss babes have to stifle those qualities while on their road to succeeding career-wise.

Instead, boss babes adopt masculine traits that work excellently for financial growth, with their success being praised by their girl squad.

But when these boss babes go into the dating world, they often have problems getting serious committed relationships with men who they consider as their 'equal'.

These boss babes even start wondering why these men don't value their success the way their girlfriends do?

But those men aren't looking for what most women look for in a potential mate; providence, stability, and protection, things that masculine traits are supposed to elicit.

Rather these men are looking for a woman who is fit, feminine, friendly, and cooperative. These are traits that many boss babes struggle with as they have already adopted a masculine persona on their path to career freedom.

This is reflected in the dating market with many boss babes attributing this disconnect to intimidation by the men they are dating.

Sometimes, intimidation might be the reason, but in many cases, what those boss babes don't realise is that what they are offering in the dating market isn't necessarily what the men they want, actually want.

Caveat 1-I am not saying that becoming a successful career woman is a bad thing. It should be encouraged.

Caveat 2-I am not saying that a boss babe can't get a successful committed relationship with her 'equal'. Julie Gichuru is an example of a successful career woman who has also thrived in her family life.