Vera Sidika has become quite the sage during this period of her first pregnancy. Its like the hormones are making her divulge some of the nuggets of wisdom she has gotten over the years.

One thing that Miss Sidika has touched on this week is the issue of parental alienation that happens in some couples after they have split up.

She used the case of fitness instructor Frankie JustGymIt's allegation last year to push her case. She warned women against keeping their baby daddies from having access to their kids.

''Then there are men who get trapped with kids, but still, send upkeep money regularly. Wants to be in the child's life. but the baby momma won't ever let them see the child. Another piece of advice to my sweethearts. If you don't let your baby daddy see his child, maybe coz you are just bitter, you'll not be together anymore, etc. you are not punishing him. It's you punishing your own child.

Coz the day he moves on, dates, or gets married and gets another baby in that relationship, he will have the privilege of spending time with his other baby daily, so he will be good and happy.

Even though it hurts him, not to see his other children, he'll at least spend time with one. Perfect example; Frankie's situation. Let's not punish kids for our own selfish reasons."

Frankie JustGymIt with Maureen Waititu in the past
Image: Courtesy

What I like about Vera's advice is that it is very pragmatic as far as women from 3rd-world countries go.

In the west, a man can be compelled to pay child support and alimony at the source ( which is called garnishing his wages) even without seeing his child.

But unlike the west and first world countries, we don't have such a robust justice system that can follow up on deadbeat fathers not paying child support.

In this country, it is every man (or woman) for themself. This means that most times a man will only provide for his baby mama's children out of altruism or a desire to be a good father.

Rare is the instance where a man provides for a child he isn't living with (which often happens after court interference).

This reminds me of the phrase out of sight, out of mind. It is rare for a significant number of Kenyan baby daddies to participate in their child's upbringing.

Now add the difficulty of those baby daddies even seeing their kids ( because of vindictive baby mamas ) and you give them a conscience-pleasing excuse not to be in their children's lives.

As Vera said, who ends up losing? The kids, not just financially but also mentally, physically, and emotionally from not having their fathers around.

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