Don’t just order food fuaa, know your Kibanda Menu and what the food entails before ordering for something to eat
1. Chapati Dunga – This is where a chapati is rolled and pierced with a fork.
2. Chapati Dondosa – This is where a chapati is served whole and served while floating on thick soup.
3. Chapati Msalaba – This is where a chapati is sliced into four equal quarters. The cuttings resemble a cross
4. Chapati Kifagio – This is where a chapati is sliced into thin many vertical strips
5. Chapati Chafua – This is where a chapati is sliced into many pieces as possible. Usually they are sliced into squares that are approximately 3.5 centimetres squared (do the mathematics. I am the teacher), and then splattered with thin soup
6. Chapati Mbao / Chapati Mawe – This is a dry chapati, those that break easily like a piece of wood
7. *Ugali Saucer / Wembe / Discount – That one I know you know
8. Ugali Mlima – This is an enormous chunk of ugali served only to professionals and is usually served with a warning. “Weeh, ukikosa kuimaliza, utaongeza kumi!”.
9. Tumbukiza – This is where meat is over boiled until the meat is very soft. Usually served without salt. Tumbukiza special (speshio) has no bones
10. Kahawa Kifo – So you have done kahawa chungu; This is worse! It usually contains lots of “Kahawa no 1” (ile ile ya kitambo ya cucu na guka, wakicombine na ngwacii) and is over boiled till it is black. It is then served without sugar. It is literally burnt coffee!
11. Kaa Ndani / Mandazi Pasua – This is where a mandazi is made an incision at the side and a delicacy inserted inside of it. So kaa ndani ya sausage is a mandazi with a sausage in it…..Pasua ya sambusa etc
12. Jembe ya Meno – Toothpick
13. Samaki Cassette – This is fish which has bones in it. It is served WHOLE whereby, a person starts eating it on one side ( Side A ). Once done, it is then turned to the other side ( Side B ). A successful completed eating mission is certified once the only thing left on the plate are intact bones of the fish and the head. Sometimes, the head can also be dealt with as a separate cassette.
14. Karara – Chapati Nusu
15. Combat – Githeri
16. Mix / Missile / Kadhalika – This is mchanganyiko of everything on the soup menu. Involves madondo, sukuma, nyama, ndengu etc.
…Na inasemwa na style, so don’t go shouting ati “Nipatie missile ya 20!” – Nooo! Inasemwa hivi, “Haya Mr. Man, hebu nibonde na chapo missile ya kaufourty, na ikuje chapchap kabla niachwe na ndege.”
17. Teargas – Pilipili
18. C.N.N – Chapati Na Ndengu
19. U.S.A – Ugali Sukuma Avocado (Hii pia ni formula ya kufukuza minyoo kwa tumbo)
21. C.M.B – Chapati Mbili na Beans
22. Chapati Marashi – Where chapo is passed over beef stew ndio inuke kama nyama
23. Githeri Migingo – This is githeri that has 1 potato in the middle
Hakikisha umetembelea Kibanda kabla this week iishe! Bon Appetite.