It has been a long weekend.

Na, I see imejipa.

My peoples the amount of hoeing I unleashed with this World Cup fever? Wooiiii mimi na ball side moja. Mimi na mabwana zenyu side ingine. Lol.

Last we talked, I was with Sam, insulted Jeff. Mwenye alicatch feelings juu ya Jeff shinda hapo…and we are back to banging, smh.

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So I told you my pal, Jay, wants out of the friend zone. Ati its time he dipped his hand in the cookie jar.

See, Jay puts O in ‘Hoe’. Huyu mwanaume ni ma whore kaa sele. Yaani, me and him should be used as the case study for whoreing in Africa, but weird enough we don’t hoe with each other.

Sasa hii malaya inataka kulala na mimi.

Skiza bulshit. Ati he has had feelings for me for a while now. Ati he really likes me he would change for me.

The things I will hear ili mtu aingie tu ndani yangu? SMH.

I like him. He is hot, tall and trust you me amejibeba don’t ask how I know.

On Monday I was weighing my options should I just bang him and move on, I mean its sex and its just a body count.

Habebi, au sio?

So, yes I am banging him kesho.

Feedback mchill mpaka mid this week.

Sasa, mimi bila aibu I go on my weekly date with Mike.

Weeehhh hiki kibaba cha wenyewe, he can give head. I tell him we can’t bangbecause i’m now celibate for a week. I am praying, aki the things I say.

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Anyhow, he treats me right, gives me some money and his my ace you know.

So, late last week, I had a banging date with some waiter I met kwa club. This f*cker is hot and he is Maasai. Si mnajua shit is about to go down? Wacheni niwaambie tu ukweli I took a wheelchair to work on Friday morning.

Unajua wale vijana, they smoke weed for you and ask you uweke mguu kwa fridge. I am sure my internal organs zilefeel ni kama zinachokorwa. My ovaries zimehama. Yaani this boy banged the living shiet out of. He banged my demons away…weeehhh.

Khai this boy is my new favorite human.

I will buy crutches juu he might just dislocate my pelvic muscles but I swear have you ever cum in Spanish.

Mimi hawa vijana wadogo watanimaliza, anyway I am banging Jay kesho. While Mike is a Saturday affair, alafu Sunday mimi church pale mbele next to your husband.

Kumbuka, HOE IS LIFE.

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