Fans at a Kenyan concert. Photo / COURTESY
Fans at a Kenyan concert. Photo / COURTESY

Being a Kenyan is a great privilege that not many have. Today we will show you how to attend a concert like a Kenyan.

  1. Pre-game, Pre-turn up, charge up…… This is a simple way of saying that before going for an event, Kenyans will show up drunk just to avoid buying expensive alcohol at an establishment. Next time you see a Kenyan at an event with a bottle of water, build up his esteem with “Eh, inakaa jana mlikuwa mnakunywa, eh?” and they might respond “Eeh, leo sikunywi sana…….”
  2. Kitenge everything. Whoever decided that it was a good idea to introduce kitenge samosa underwears was crazy. With that said, you immediately become a sophisticated Kenya fashionista when you wear a kitenge. Kitenges plus shades from Uhuru Highway optical give you the complete look to attend a Kenyan event.
  3. Mayai boiro and mutura. Attending a Kenyan event is incomplete without having these two meals. After a Kenyan event the statement “Si tukule kamayai boiro kachumbari kabla twende home” is said. Its sad that avocado hasn’t yet been introduced in to this meal
  4. Do not bother with the artistes. Unless you are attending mugithi, benga or old school concerts….. Don’t bother about the music. Kenyan events are about eating mayai boiro and drinking Tusker malt as you take multiple selfies with your iphone……. Remember to also dangle your Mercedes benz keys as you say “I went to alliance….”
  5. Carry a power bank. The easiest way to make friends at a Kenyan event is to carry a power bank. In facr, Djs even make announcements over the microphone “There is a single person here requesting a power bank. I f you have one, come and share…. This could be the person you marry next. Think about the story you will tell your kids when they ask “Dad…. Wewe na mummy mlipatana aje?” Then you respond “Kuna siku nimeenda event na ile power bank nilipatanga kwa cocktail ya job. Simu ya mum ilikuwa imekufa hio siku…. The rest is history”
  6. Wear underwear that has pockets. Kenyan events have thieves…… its only right to buy those pocket underwears where you keep your phone and money. Just don’t show the waiter where the money is coming from when you are paying the bill