I have accidentally been the side chick in relationships not once, but twice.
Neither was on purpose because I couldn’t recognize the signs you’re the side chick, so I just went along thinking I was exclusively dating a guy who just wasn’t that into me like I always do.
1. You never get big date nights
If you’re not being taken out on the weekends, then someone is.
You know your partner isn’t just sitting home alone, twiddling their thumbs, and watching Planet Earth. It would be nice to believe that, but it’s not true.
If your “partner” somehow goes MIA every weekend, is suddenly unavailable, or is frequently “very busy,” then usually it’s because they’re busy with someone else.
However, if they have time for you during hours when it’s easy to make excuses (i.e. they could also be at work or at the gym), then you might be a side chick in their life, not their main priority.
2. He never spends the night
I’ve dated a few guys who never spent the night, and it always came down to one thing: We absolutely were not exclusive.
Not spending the night is also another sign. It’s hard to sleep over because he’s probably going straight from side-girl date to main-girl apartment to spend the night.
Additionally, they probably need to say goodnight to their main squeeze before going to bed, and they can’t exactly do that when they are lying in bed next to you.
If you’re a victim of a drive-by banging, then you’re probably not the only person in your partner’s life, right? It seems self-explanatory, but we make excuses for people we care about.
3. He seems shady with his phone
I once dated a guy who would delete his entire phone history at the end of every night.
When I asked him about it, he just told me that he liked having a fresh start every morning and that a clear phone aesthetically looked better.
Your partner’s phone activity can be another indication that you might be #2 in your partner’s life.
Red flags might be stepping away from table/bar/activity to have a conversation privately. Maybe he turns his phone down, so you can’t see the texts coming in.
And you probably don’t have access to his phone, but I suspect all your text exchanges are deleted immediately.
His time is always limited
The side chick isn’t a priority in the relationship.
A side chick isn’t the person you see every day. The side chick is, unfortunately, an afterthought, for when the main chick gets boring, annoying, or busy. Isn’t this phenomenon great?
Another sign is he only sees you once a week. He has his fun with side girl, but he gives the main girl the bulk of his time.
If you think you might be the side chick in a relationship, there’s no reason why you should settle for crumbs.
You deserve better than that. If you need answers, then ask questions. And as always, trust your gut. Intuition is real, especially when your relationship might not be.