Are you a slay king? Photo / COURTESY
Are you a slay king? Photo / COURTESY

There is a new breed of Kenyan men who are slay kings. There are a few characteristics that will help you identify if you are a slay king

  1. You don’t contribute to buy the mzinga but are the first to invite girls over to the table with “Hey, we have bottiz… come and seat with us”. In fact, you drink the most alcohol you haven’t paid for!
  2. When it comes to paying for the taxi you are sharing with your friends, you pretend to be blacked out so that your friends say “Wachana na yeye… amelala”
  3. You prefer girls who are way younger than you because they don’t have experience in identifying men who are mature and have their life together. You are constantly heard saying “Wacha tukatie hawa madem wa campo…”
  4. You don’t have an amazing life, but you always know someone who does. You can always be heard saying “My friend is the one who owns it…”, “Akina nanii were our neighbours…”, “That guy was in form 4 when I was in form one…”
  5. The peak of your life was probably high school because that’s where being a ‘cool’ kid is celebrated. Its even worse if you went to alliance. “Sisi tukiwa Alliance… tulifanya vitu mingi…”
  6. You cant cook to save your life. In fact, your kitchen has lime juice, water, tomato sauce and salt. Its like you have chips and tequila for supper. You are the guy who probably says “Mi siezi date dem hawezi pika…” You can’t even cook man, they shouldn’t date you
  7. Monday at work is hangover recovery day. If you spend your Monday morning at the office recovering from a hangover, then congrats! You are a slay King. You seriously cant get work done if you are out late on Sunday. Accept and move on.
  8. Your social media page is full of selfies. Unless you are showing us make up, no man takes multiple selfies just to show a face that has Vaseline at the most.
  9. Speaking of Vaseline, you only apply it on your face. Mguu na mikono zimeparara. Slay kings look fresh on the surface and ashy beneath. Paka mafuta kwa mwili mzima

Do you know any slay King? Share this with them