I think the best way to start this article is with a disclaimer. I love Kenya. Mimi ni mkenya na sibaduki!!

That said, I am a tenant in kenya. I don’t own a house I pay to sleep in Kenya. This thought just dampens my moods. The other day I was driving in a Toyota( given to me by my employer before you talk of misplaced priorities) and I was with a friend caught up in the traffic of Ngong road as I headed to my rented house in Jamu estate. He was going even further out where rent is more affordable-Kikuyu somewhere past kawangware. In our small talks we discovered flats coming up along Ngong road all over with prices tags of at least 6 zeros after the first digit which is never below the 6th digit of the numbers as you know them from good old school.

Now, My friend Mr. Ngui( I am not known to be abusive and this is his actual name) in his 60s is still paying rent in kikuyu. He has spent to the last coin paying fees for his beloved children whom he has educated to the last one and they are now proud rent payers on their own.

Now he made a joke that only death will save him from rent. I am not one to hear a wrong statement and let it go uncorrected. “ Mr. Ngui, you cannot be more wrong, death will only take away your ability to sign the rent cheque but not the rent demand note.” Call me mean to this old man’s hope of solace in death but I had to bust that bubble, slap him with reality. Now here in my motherland, failure to pay the rent when alive will see you in the street. Be very careful, Kidero’s men are killing people in the street allegedly, so even that street is not free. Don’t think of taking to the forest, it has been grabbed-(see Karen land sager in another article). In all this mess, you might think like my friend that you should just die.

Be very careful, as my mother would say. “Usijikufiche hapo” rent has to be paid In Langata and since you are a cheap rent payer, you will be given a temporary structure there too. Now if you just die in the street, the country owners (wenyeinchi) will not agree to have your smelly self in the street, I have no idea where these bodies go anyway maybe in a furnace, and the government local or national will pay for that rent, equivalent of food stamps in usa. Or hand outs here in Kenya.

Now, I am in my late 20s and lord I don’t want to leave a mwananchi forever, I want to be mwenyenchi. I will and indeed soon enough own a piece of Kenya that I can call mine. Be a proud owner of Kenya So help me God. And as many as are of the opinion say AYE…. the AYES have it!

[credits David Kariuki]