Yenyewe, Nairobians have very peculiar habits. Like travelling all the way to the coast and never once going to the beach or taking a dip in the ocean.

The entire time they are at the coast, they are busy club hopping and nursing hangovers. A Mombasa local by the name Shoba Gatimu Harrison has made a list on how to conduct yourselves when you go to their city.

He writes,

Dear Kenyans (Sana sana Nairobians) who will be coming down to Mombasa for the December holidays:

1. We people who live in Mombasa, live in houses. Our homes. Hatulalangi kwa ma hoteli so stop with the 'Nakuja kesho. Ni hoteli gani poa?' Imagine unaeza Google 'Hotels in Mombasa' but we can refer you to a few holiday homes and villa owners who do short term rentals (I'll do another post on this.)

2. If you happen to be looking for transportation, number za JamboJet, Modern coast, Mash, Dreamline are also on Websites.

3. Unless you are really close with someone, do not expect them to hire a car for you ndio upige lap nayo. Hata kama unajilipia. Most of you end up binge drinking and f*cking up cars mnaacha watu wakisumbuka.

4. Most Coasterians, like Nairobians, have schedules. Biryani is mostly a Friday dish after a long week and Friday prayers. Usianze kupiga simu Monday saa tatu asubuhi ati, 'Nipeleke nikakule biryani.' No please.

5. Talking of food, there are a lot of good non pricey (If you are travelling on a budget or are really looking to explore) restaurants and food joints. Ask the staff in hotels or rental homes.

6. Still on food. Ugali is called Sima, Pojo is green grams/ndengu. Anything that is eaten with a starch is considered mboga so specify. Kuna sambusa za nyama na pojo. Ukwaju is not pili pili though chatini may often be quite spicy. Rice is wali. Mchuzi is soup soup hivi. Mahamri IS NOT the same as mandazi. There are two types of bhajia. Bhajia za kawaida na bhajia za kihindi. The latter is smaller, dark brown and crunchy. Whatever you people call bhajia in Nairobi (Those potatoes with dhania) huwa hatukuli huku. Most hotels stock 7 up, Pepsi and the likes. And cheaper than kina coke too. Ask. Story ya food ni mingi. Ask nita jibu.

7. Mombasa people are big on greetings and courtesy.

Shikamoo - greetings to a person way older than you. Around your parents age.

Marahaba - How you respond when a child says 'Shikamoo' to you.

Saalam Aleikum is not kiswahili. Its Arabic for 'Peace be upon you.'

Aleikum Saalam is its response. This would get you a long way among Muslim folks.

If you are not sure on what greetings to use, a normal, 'Habari ya leo/asubuhi/jioni' works just fine. Especially with people who provide services. Gets you better services too.

8. You can carry all your hotpants, bikinis, booty shorts and what not. You can slay all you want but please when going to town try and dress decently. Yes your dress your choice lakini siendi Old Town na mtu anakaa kahaba in the name of slayage. A summer dress would be just fine for town run around and errands. Trust me.

For the guys, vests si T-shirts. Please invest in a t-shirt or ask for sleeveless t-shirts fondly known as (Kata kono). Leave the faded, ugly yellowish vests in Nairobi.

Also read:

9. Public alcohol drinking is highly frowned upon so unless you are in a cab, a private residence, a tuktuk, carrying a mzinga and Beer cans is not considered hip or cool around here. You might actually find yourself on the receiving end of some not so pleasant words.

10. While you people might be big on boozing and clubbing, Mombasa people prefer chewing veve, khat (Ghati) on Fridays after a long week. Make arrangements to drink on your own from 4Pm to 12 midnight when most people tema and hit the club. If you decide to hangout with miraa chewers, please shika adabu. Wacha kuuliza, 'Mnamaliza kuchana saa ngapi? Tunataka kuenda Club. '

Eeeeeeeeeeeeerm.....Tukimaliza utajua.

11. South Coast is on the other side of Likoni ferry. Over 1 hour drive from Mombasa. Same as Malindi na watamu. So unless uko Mombasa Town, usisumbue watu ati mkutane. Hiyo ni kama kutuambia tupange Safari. We don't like moving around.

12. All our clubs (we only have 6 or 7) clubs in Mombasa are around Kenol/Nakumatt Nyali area. Hatujui 'ni gani poa' ama 'Yenye hukuwa na ma dame wasupuu.' Explore and find the one you like most.

But we have quite some good locals and hangout joints like 'Mamba village (Kuna Bar kama nne huko ndani) and Drips pub Bamburi for those who want to hangout, smoke shisha and chew veve.