Robert Mugabe is taking over the internet. The administrator of the Facebook page 'Robert Mugabe quotes' is back at it, posting rib-cracking quotes.

Below are the freshest funny quotes that have left Kenyans laughing like mad people. Go through

1. John Legend is a chronic liar!!!!

   "my head's under water but am breathing fine".

   What rubbish is that?

   I tried that shit today and almost died

2. Men are attracted to what they see, that's why women put on makeup. Women are attracted to what they hear, that's why men lie. Problems start when the truth comes out and the makeup is removed.

3. Some people in your life are like those songs in the playlist that you always skip but can never delete..!!

4.Welcome to Africa, where typing amen to a Pastor’s prayer on Facebook will save you from your village witches and make you a billionaire.

5. Some girls nowadays specialise in making baby showers extravagant because they know there will never be a wedding

6.If you want a relationship make it clear.If sex is what you want Just make it Clear.If you just need to talk to someone when your partner is acting up just shoot clear..If you want him/her for money not love just make it clear.Do not complicate other's life. Deception leads to complication.

7.You see a man of God with eight bodyguards and an AK47 gun and all he is telling you is that you need a sticker or anointing oil to be protected.Help me find sense in this.....

8. Its a man's responsibility to feed the wife coz the last time a woman fed the man we all got chased out of the garden of Eden

9.Ladies when boys call you 'Love, honey, sweetheart, bae etc' Don't get too excited....Most times they don't remember your names and they are ashamed to ask you again.

10. Some girls will sleep snoring like a dragon.....Only for them to wake up and start updating their status like...."Gosh ..awh! Slept like a Baby"....Hahaha Shut up my sister do u mean like a baby dragon huh?..

11.I hear so many girls say..."I have an unwanted pregnancy". Please shut up. What is unwanted there?.When you were having sex without a condom, were you expecting a deep freezer or a table fan?

12.Dear Ladies!Don't advertise your man if he is not advertising you...if he is acting single, sweetheart act like a widow life is too short to be fooled.

13.He starts by telling you that you are SEXY..then he remove 'Y' and have SEX with you,after that he runs away with 'S' then he calls you my EX

14.Kissing your ex on Thursday is not cheating ,its called a ThrowBack.

15. Your boyfriend will upload pics on Facebook you will like and comment... "Oh my hubby is Sweet, love you like no other" .. You will upload he won't like, he won't comment. You will even upload your picture together and tag him yet the gentle brother will remove the tag and you carry the relationship on the head like human hair. My sister come,I say come,don't be afraid,come closer.Please kneel down!!!Repeat after me,my father, my father, whosoever swallowed my sense,I beg you to vomit it now

16.Some ladies will be matching purses with clothes But cannot match Babies to their real Daddies.

17.The reason why other guys treat you better than your boyfriend is because they haven't slept with you yet

18.It's better to fall from a tree and break your back than to fall in love and break your heart.

19.MARY was a virgin and she married a carpenter (JOSEPH). YOU are not a virgin and you are waiting for a billionaire to marry You? I will not say anything.

20.No matter how light skinned you are, your shadow will always be black.

21.Some ladies should stop treating dates as an opportunity to eat food they never tasted in their lives . Its a date not feeding program

22.Money only impresses lazy girls,when a Lady works hard ,having a man is just a bonus to her.

23.A side chick is young, If you are over 30 and still dating another woman's man, My sister you are not a side chick but you are a side Hen.

24.Being kissed does not mean you are loved.Ask Jesus about Judas.

25.Sometimes when your girl updates 'I love God' on her status....My brother investigate very well , it could be a shortcut for Godwin or Godfrey

26.If a girl dumps you because you don't have money and after you have made money...she comes back begging...

My brother...Forgive her...promise her marriage...Tell her family that you want to renovate their house...Remove their roof and DISAPPEAR..

27.My sister just because God said let there be Light & Darkness when he created Earth It doesn't mean you must have a Light face and a dark neck.

28.Your parents are still alive and together ,But when you are asked "Who is your favourite couple?" You answer "Jay Z and Beyonce"......Hmmmm my sister you need a very hot High five on your face....

29.Broke guys have no right to have sex .... If you don't have the energy to work , where do you get energy to sweat on top of someone's daughter.

30.I don't know the spirit that comes with bottled water, Whenever a black man buys it, he starts behaving like he is the richest man in the community.

It took Manchester United 25 games unbeaten to move from 6th to 5th

But it took them just one loss to move from 5th to 6th

Lesson - it's easier to fall in life than to rise.

31.Welcome to Africa where Jesus sends you a Whatsapp message and threatens to kill you if you do not send it to 20 people

32.Just finished reading 10 commandments.Not even 1 said we should give these girls money.

33.Women nowadays don't dump men...if they want you off,they do some funny crazy stuff to irritate you,disrespect you,leave you stressed until you push yourself away...

34.My sister you dump a guy for cheating only to be with another guy who was dumped for cheating.

35.

36.My Daughter.....Date a man who will help you draft a CV, Send you vacancy posts, who will give you his last cents just that you can go to that job interview.

37.Being ugly is so unfair. A good looking person farts and you become the prime suspect

38.Treat every part of your towel nicely because the part that wipes your buttocks today will wipe your face tomorrow.

39.It's better to sit in a bar thinking about God than to sit in a church thinking about beer.

40.In Africa u need connection to have almost everything. Connection to get into school, to get a job & also to get rice & drinks at ceremonies

41.So your Bae will text you goodnight at 21hrs, but he will still be online past midnight. my Dear, are you dating a watchman?

42.Have you ever been next to people who gossip so much that you're even scared of leaving them cause you know you're next

43.Some women be looking nice and beautiful, nails done, hair done but their kids be looking like they survived TSUNAMI

44.Beautiful girl without self-respect is like a golden necklace in pig's neck.

45.When your girlfriend decides to leave you, let her go. Girls are like clothes, you can never be naked no matter how poor you are.

Credits: Rober Mugabe quotes