All roads seem to be leading to Machakos this July weekend and trust that as a result there will be alot of ratchetry and general debauchery going down. However, even before you embark on any mayhem, allow me to first let you in on the secret don't this year round; there are some things you simply mustn't do. And I am here to share the guide of what not to do:

#1. Do not expect free flowing traffic

Duh!

#2. Don't drunk drive

Seriously, the Machakos police have been fully backed by the governor ergo have fantastic equipment. If you try and test them, your loss! And besides this, drunk driving is actually plain stupid! Why endanger your life? Enjoy your alcohol responsibly.

#3. Do not pick fights

Guys, and lasses who love to instigate fights, go out, have a fantastic time and move on. Do not pick fights. There will be heavy police presence and besides, you do not want to get knocked out trying to act like Mayweather and coming up like Pacquiao!

#4. Do not expect alot of interest in the rugby

Just saying...

#5. Do not be lax about your personal security

Machakos is known to be a rather tricky area so you need to be extra vigilant when it comes to obs (thieves/ roadmen).

#6. Do not expect righteous women

This particular one is a huge bonus if like me you aren't looking for members with whom to form Bible study groups!