Kenyan lasses between the ages of 18 to 27 are just the worst!

Brah! They will do you so much slime it will take a dip in hydroperoxide to get clean. And you will definitely have your entire understanding of what relationships are completely warped. Allow me to tell the tale that has us gathered here.

I have dated Kenyan lasses before. And when a Nairobi lass decides she's done with you, she's going to do get rid of you in the worst possible way. Kenyan lasses seem to love being vindictive for some reason and the nicer the guy, the worse the heartbreak they seek to put him through.

So what are some of the ways these agents of evil, acolytes of Beelzubub seek to end relationships? Let us have a candid look:

#1. Ghosting

This is one of the most diabolical scheme these agents of evil have concocted. What this involves is simply disappearing like the phantom of erections long past. The lasses in question simply block you on every platform and social media avenue.

You realize you have been dumped on the day you go to her house to look for her and talk things through only to be informed that she'd discarded you like a smelly pair of panties.

The lasses who are notorius for this brand of malevolence are largely from Kileleshwa, Muthaiga and Karen. They make you walk for 25 minutes from the stage only to realize your emotions are in the toilet with the rest of her defecate.

#2. Sending subliminal disses on Snapchat

As my wise friend Xola Murathime says,

"Snapchat is of the devoro!"

and I concur. Nothing good comes of Snapchat. And these miniature Beelzububs are using it to break off relationships. Can you imagine your friends blowing up your phone to let you know they just saw your lass dumping you in her Snapchat story? And this actually happened between a lad named  and his lass .

#3. Moving on (and forgetting to tell you)

Nairobi lasses are so evil, they will introduce you to their new boyfriend as a way of letting you know you're now a distant memory like a wet-fart she once shat in a matatu.

#4. Chat break-up

These Nairobi lasses I tell you are just THE WORST! The spawns of evil will wait to get to a Wi-Fi hotspot to get on Whatsapp or Telegram to dump you! The silly git doesn't even use her own bundles! I actually saw a female acquaintance do this slimey mess to someone's son. And in an instant, I was triggered into remembering all the lasses who have probably done this to me in the past. WHAT IS LIFE?

#5. Letting her friend do the dirty work

This one applies moreso to the younger ones. The lasses still in the apprenticeship of succubi. They get their ugly bestfriends (hot chics seem to always have a token ugly friend) to dump you. And while you might think she would be more sensitive in her approach, these ugly friends are just as bad if not worse than their hotter friends. They dump you with all the angst they have accumulated in their short ugly lives. PUH!