The holidays are when family comes together to bond - usually over meals, preferably chapati. On this rare occasion, all the members of the family get to share and important issues come to the surface. Here are the questions you should expect to get at the family dinner table during these holidays

1. When are you getting married? If you are single, working and past 27 then expect to hear this question with a subtle implication that marriage is the best thing that could happen to you (Especially from that relative whom you know has a terrible marriage. It's like people love to recommend their own mistakes to others.)
2. When are you making us old? If you are married without kids, you will still face demands. The more you try to satisfy the demands, the more the questions arise. It all started with, "When will you get an A? When will you join campus? When will you graduate? When will you apply for a job? When will you move out?”. Anyway, your parents want to get old at your expense and they would prefer twins at your expense. Don’t disappoint them!
3. Who cooked this food? If you are hosting the guests at your place, there is always that aunt who thinks that she is the better cook and will offer unsolicited advice “You should have marinated the chicken first and stuffed it with avocado. I saw it on the food channel”
4. Why are you always on your phone? "...and that’s why you failed your exams in high school”. Parents are the best at coming up with random theories. Yes, you are not doing well at this thing called life because you checked your notifications.
5. How do I take a selfie? Besides all the smartphone criticism, parents love taking selfies. Just look at your moms latest profile picture. There's is a high chance that your mom would have been called ‘Bossette Anne’ if she had a smartphone and a decent social media following in the 80’s/ Yes, your dad would have also picked the name ‘Swag Boy Lucas’ on Facebook
6. How come you don’t contribute to the family WhatsApp group? If there is anywhere that has been marginalized in terms of tribe, it’s a family WhatsApp group. Politics should be banned from family WhatsApp group not to mention the old jokes that are posted there. Who sends our parents these weird videos?
7. Why didn’t you add me on Facebook? It's crazy how all our parents and relatives are on Facebook and we have to clean up our profiles to suggest that we never had alcohol or kissed our girlfriends. It's just too much heartbreak for African mums and aunties to take in. If you really love your mom, don’t add her on Facebook.
8. Did you shower properly? Only last borns can relate to this
9. When was the last time you went to church? Your parents will assume that you are now in the devils side just because you got a tattoo. The typical African family will invite a Pastor and hold a prayer session to exorcise all your demons
10. Please pass me the remote? If there is a television around you during these times, be very careful that no kiss scenes appear. Also, expect your parents to still have the remote control habit as they anticipate the 1 pm news (I personally blame Moi and KBC for this)